Star Trek Discovery – Self Discovery

Between waking and dreams there is a middle state. The Vulcans had many words and uses for this state and Michael Burnham always found the “waking dream state” one of her few solaces in life.

That inbetween time was often when Vulcans organize their thoughts and remind themselves of their responsibilities. It was also when further repression of emotions took place.

Like so many of her teachings, Burnham took much of the wisdom Vulcan provided, but did away with that which was no longer valuable.

She did not repress her emotions, she experienced them. She used the things her emotions gave her; inspiration, intuition, empathy. She took time to review her emotions as well as her memories of the day, her memories of the past. Specifically she reviewed the things she couldn’t let herself feel during a work environment. There were lots of things she had to control. Not repress, but control.

She was a mutineer on a science vessel at a time of war. She couldn’t show anger or rage. She couldn’t show confusion or lack of confidence. She certainly couldn’t show attraction.

Yet after so much time spent locked up, shuttled around, profoundly humiliated and bound, a new ship with so many fresh faces had made her hormones surge and her heart race.

So it was that the waking dream state was the perfect time to explore those attractions, to play out fantasies, and to relieve her body of its simple wants. As her mind reached out, so did her hands, under the scratchy sheets and into her soft night clothes.

The chiseled chin of science officer, the thick arms of a pilot, the ample breasts of a helmsmen. They were mostly fragments, little random images and base desires. Then there was the one who made her breath catch. Landry. Tough, hungry, the grace of a large cat.

An image of being pinned down by the security chief flashed behind Michael’s eyes. Complicated feelings of guilt and lust. Her thoughts were going fast, like her finger between her thighs, the rush forwards toward her orgasm had started quickly.

Then she heard it.

“Hi.”

The high light voice rang out in the dark room. It was Tilly. It had to be Tilly. There was silence and then a barrage of words.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to interrupt you. Is this like a regular roommate thing? Is this more common in like, prison type settings? I mean, I don’t want to be a party pooper. Self care is super important and sexuality is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! But it’s a little awkward hearing you masturbate and so I just wanted to check in and see what kind of protocol you would prefer,” Burnham’s roommate, Cadet Sylvia Tilly said in what seemed like one long breath.

Burnham stopped touching herself and groaned with frustration.

“I mean, I can set aside time to leave you alone here or I could get some headphones or something. I mean, unless it’s sort of your thing to have someone be here. I actually didn’t think of that. I mean, when I was younger I had this friend of mine Jimmy Lin, and he used to watch me in the shower, which he wasn’t supposed to do but I let him sometimes even thought I knew it was wrong because the way he looked at me made me feel pretty and what’s so bad about that?”

“Tilly. Tilly!” Burnham interrupted.

“Yes?”

“I apologize if I made you uncomfortable. I’m not used to having a roommate and it was inappropriate of me to pleasure myself while you were here,” Michael said simply.

There was a long uncomfortable pause.

“‘Pleasure yourself.’ That’s a lovely way to put it. I think I’ll say that instead of masturbate from now on,” Tilly said dreamily.

“Yes, we can work out a schedule if I feel I need alone time,” Burnham added.

There was another pause.

“Okay. I’m sorry I stopped you. Just so you know, I wasn’t uncomfortable, I’m actually a very sexual person and I understand human needs. I just couldn’t help it and I started listening intently and I thought that might be rude, like I was non-consensually participating. I have the utmost respect for you, I mean other than you being a mutineer.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your frankness. Let’s just go to sleep,” Burnham said desperately.

“I mean, unless it is kind of hot that I was listening. I mean hot to you, because it was definitely hot to me. I mean, if we both agreed and you wanted to pleasure yourself and I could listen and we were upfront with that, then I just want you to know that I would be more than okay with that, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Once more there was silence.

“Your saying you like listening,” Burnham said with an impresses laugh.

“Very much!” Cadet Tilly squeaked.

Burnham considered that.

“Unless that’s bad. I mean, I don’t want to make our living arraignment uncomfortable,” Tilly clarified.

Michael sat up and touched the light controler on her bedside console.

Tilly, her mass of curly red hair spread out on her pillow, looked very surprised. Her blouse was pulled up, exposing her pale pink breasts. She had one hand on one of her breasts and the other buried between her legs. Her cheeks were bright red.

“Oh. I wasn’t expecting you to turn on the lights. This is a bit embarrassing. I hope you don’t think I’m a hypocrite. Just, listening to you got me all worked up and since I know I can be really quiet when I pleasure myself, um-” she trailed off.

Michael’s gaze was steely and hard to read. The two women looked at each other for a long moment.

“I’m going to suggest something,” Burnham said, sitting up.

“If you’d like we can have an arraignment. We are both adults and have healthy relationships with our bodies. Perhaps some nights when we are both in need of release, we can both pleasure ourselves. In the open. It could be ‘hot’ for both of us,” Burnham said in her somewhat dry logical tone.

Tilly blushed and smiled.

“Yeah, um, that’s hot alright. We would both do it? At the same time? With the lights on?”

“If you’d like,” Burnham said with a small chuckle.

“Like, we could even both be naked?” Tilly said as Burnham noticed her hand still on her breast, fingers toying with her small pink nipple.

“Hm, perhaps, it might be nice to see-”

“Like, maybe, we could even be next to each other?” Tilly said, biting her lip.

Burnham shook her head, but couldn’t help but smile at Tilly’s moxie.

“Cadet, is that what you’d like? To come over and wiggled out of our skivvies and finger ourselves next to each other?” Burnham said, leaning on her arm, marveling at Tilly’s perfect breasts.

Tilly pulled back her blanket to show she wasn’t wear any pants and smiled widely.

“You have to come to my bed because I’m allergic to your sheets and pillow,” Tilly explained.

Burnham’s eyebrows raised. The little flash of orange-red of Tilly’s manicured pubic hair drew her eyes immediately. It had been a long time since she had been physically close to someone. Tilly was so cheerful and non-threatening. It seemed like good clean fun.

Burnham got out of bed and stretched. She pulled off her shirt, feeling Tilly’s eyes on her. She put her thumbs under the waistband of her pants and looked at the redhead.

Tilly pulled off her own top and sat up, shaking a little with excitement. Burnham admitted to herself that it felt good to have someone’s eyes on her body. Sylvia Tilly was beautiful. Naked and with her wild hair around her like flames it seemed almost stupid not to touch her.

Burnham let her pants drop and stepped out of them and towards Tilly’s bed.

It was a tight fit with the two of them next to each other. Their skin contrasted as their legs pressed together and they adjusted themselves.

Burnham smiled kindly at her young roommate.

“You are very beautiful, Sylvia,” she said quietly.

Tilly smiled a little self consciously.

“Thank you. You are really hot. Also kind of scary. I mean that in a nice way though. Scary in a way that gets me really wet. So, yeah, um, I’m gunna start, okay,” Tilly said, her eyes on Burnham’s body, one hand again on her breast and the other between her legs.

The two laid on their backs next to each other. Michael Burnham marveled at the exquisite warmth against her skin on one side of her body. Her torso, hip, and right leg all pressed against Tilly’s body. The hyperactive cadet seemed to radiate heat.

Burnham’s hands moved down between her own legs, unsure how exact things were supposed to go. Again she was impressed at how readily and unabashedly Tilly went with their new little arraignment.

Tilly’s breath caught. Her legs spread a little more, one leg overlapping Burnham’s a little more. Michael looked down, saw Tilly’s fingers slipping between her thighs, rubbing and pressing, one finger bending and disappearing inside of soft pink.

Burnham could smell the light scent of the pretty cadet’s pussy. As they both touched themselves and looked over at each other, their legs and arms became more entwined and their body pressed harder together.

Tilly bit her lip as her eyes moved up and down Burnham’s taut muscular body. Michael was hypnotized by how soft and decadent Tilly’s body seemed, like she was made of some pink candy.

They both shifted around more, facing each other as much as they could without being on top of each other. Burnham’s fingers circled her own clit, occasionally moving down to wet her fingers, then back up, in a long perfected cycle that she knew would make her come. She felt a desperation welling inside of her, to be so close to Tilly and not kiss her, to not really touch her, was becoming almost painful.

“Michael, I’m really close, it’s happening so fast. I really like being near you as I do it. I like your skin pressing against mine,” Tilly whispered.

Burnham nodded vigorously, but she couldn’t find words anymore.

Tilly’s fingers were moving fast between her legs. Burnham liked the aggressive way the woman touched herself, so differently than the focused attention Burnham used on herself. Tilly was louder, moaning and rubbing her clit hard and quick.

“I-it-um-if you want, um, it could be nice if we kiss-” Tilly said, her voice creeping up to a higher and higher pitch.

That’s all Burnham needed. They both closed the tiny distance between them. Their lips met, hot and hungry and wet. Then it was like some wild explosion, like being transported, every molecule of their bodies tingled and sang and they kissed with an abandon they hadn’t known before as their body ground and squirmed together.

Tilly came first, her mouth opening wide, unable to maintain the kiss as she let out little whimpers against Burnham’s cheek. It pushed Burnham into some new level of intensity. Their bodies crashed together, both coming, both moaning into each other’s necks.

And then there was just labored breathing and two sated bodies clinging on to each other.

Tilly pulled away a little and their eyes met. Burnham moved forward and they kissed again, softly, calmly, tenderly.

“Well, that was something,” Tilly said, laying back and sighing.

“Something indeed,” Burnham agreed.

There was silence, Burnham waiting for some awkwardness to descend, but it surprisingly didn’t.

“Now, I’m ready for bed!” Tilly said with a chipperness beyond even her normal level.

“You can sleep with me, but I get to be the big spoon. My bed, my rules. It’s also totally okay if you don’t want to and you would rather sleep in your bed. I know I snore. I won’t be offended if you don’t want to. I’m honestly am fine either way,” Tilly said, fluffing her pillow and getting herself comfortable.

Michael had never been the little spoon. She thought about that.

“I’ll stay here,” she said in a rather small voice.

She turned and Tilly wrapped her arms around her. Vulcan teachings flooded her mind as she held sudden tears at bay. She took a few deep breathes and just let herself enjoy being in a beautiful brave woman’s arms.

And they drifted off to sleep.

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