I recently had an interesting conversation with Lumpesse about internet identities and specifically sex blog identity.
At 32 I’ve been a pretty active watcher and member of the various online sex related subcultures. Not to say I was “part” of these subcultures, but I was aware of them, I watched them and occasionally I interacted with them. BDSM, erotica, LGBT, poly, Fan Fiction/Slash, all kinds of fetishes, henti, furry, you name it. I have certainly not been active in a lot of these groups, I’m definitely not into half those kinks, but I have watched them with facination. Back in the heady days of BBS’s and MoDems you put batteries in, to back when AOL was 1337. I have always been on Usenet, the single greatest place to get porn and find weirdness to this day. I am a firm believer in Rules 34 and 35 and I have watched them in action for more than half my life.
As for online identities, I’ve had more than a few. AOL chat room names back when I was in my teens. Changing my name, my age, sometimes even my gender. I had the prerequisite online romances, cybersex encounters, even awkward hookups. I am a child of the internet, it gives me information, entertainment and sex even now.
The problem comes when I started growing up and I realized that I have a more and more fragmented identity, online and IRL. I made friends online and off that knew certain sides of me and I tend to keep them separate. Sometimes worlds would collide by choice or happenstance and I would freak out.
Growing up I realize this was even true in my family because my parents divorced when I was an infant and thus I had two separate families that never spoke and whom in a lot of ways knew very different Jacks.
In relationships the same things tended to happen. I would have a girlfriend and we would be very vanilla and I was fine with that. We would break up and I would be with a girl that would be a practically 24/7 power exchange and I was just as happy with that, though somewhere in the middle was where I was happiest.
About two years ago I started posting very dirty stories on various forums online. I had a rather large following, mostly made up of rather creepy people. Still I liked having this little give and take. Posting things in that manner brought immediate and almost always positive feedback which is ego crack to someone like me.
About a year in I met the Librarian and we had this insanely passionate relationship. It started with a Craig’s list hook up that turned into this love affair type thing. She was very fond of the few pieces of writing I showed her and out of curiosity she decided to hunt down other things. A couple of the stories she found squicked her and I think it was one of the contributing factors that ended the relationship.
One of the many reasons why I only tell people and show people what I know they can handle.
These days, though, I’m getting tired of separating things. I find my circle of friends gets smaller as I cut off the people I don’t feel I can tell things, though my friendships get stronger with the people I actually trust.
On the other side, I like having secrets. I like having different identities. I even like having the ability to close out whole identities and start new ones up on a whim. It’s one of the many things that make the internet great. As I get older online friendships don’t really appeal to me as much. I tend to meet people online and then press to meet them in person because real life is a lot more fulfilling. Knowing real people and having real friendships make separate lives a lot more messy.
Does this happen to anyone else? How many people in your life know about your sex blog or fetish or kink? How much do you tell a new lover and when and has anyone ever reacted badly? Has anyone ever found you out?