Monthly Archives: September 2008
Kissing Chronicles – After the Drought
Kissing is one of my favorite things to do. It’s funny, I was in a long relationship where kissing was not really a focus. It was a brief bit of foreplay before sex or a once in a while affirmation of affection, but it was never an activity unto itself. It wasn’t until after that relationship that I really rediscovered making out, how much I love it and how good I am at it!
I’d just reentered the dating scene. I was awkward, nervous, unsure of the rules. Looking back, how stupid was I? I was on a business trip and she was showing me around town. It was nice and friendly and sweet, but we had talked a little about attraction. We had admitted desire and now she was in my hotel room, and it was late. Were we were going to just play Scrabble?
I sat across from her, my heart beating a little faster every time I looked up at those bright eyes and then down at that figure. It seems wrong to distill someone into one characteristic, I mean she was smart and quirky and fun, but it always came back to those tits. It seemed like I spent almost every second near her trying not to look at them.
There were other charms, her eye for details that caught me off guard, her various knowledges and interests. She was awkward, too, but in a different way and for different reasons. As time goes by and it is just a memory I remember the physical things, the way her lips made me swoon.
When she said, “So I thought you were going to kiss me,” I was struck dumb by the embarrassment of not acting on the obvious hints she was dropping.
“I am! I mean, I was going to… I mean…” I don’t know what I was trying to say, but then I was on the couch next to her, our Scrabble game half finished, and I was smiling and she was kind of smirking amusedly and then I was in that trajectory, that all or nothing move in.
We were both laughing a little and then we weren’t. That first contact, that first kiss with new lips, that point at the apex of flirting and smiling and touching and then moving in closer and closer… then the brush of soft dry skin on skin. Then pushing together, your bodies getting closer and hands falling onto hips or backs. You become hyperaware. Aware of where your hands are on her and the warmth of her body under her clothes. Aware of where her hands are on you and when they tighten or loosen or claw at your shirt, hungry for more contact.
We kissed, a chaste kiss, pulled apart and smiled, and then before I could say something stupid we went back for more. Now our lips were wet and our mouths were bolder. Kissing and sucking bottom lips, top lips, experimental opening of mouths. Finding that rhythm, finding out how the other person works.
Kissing is a lot more complex than people realize. Not complicated, but complex because there are so many things going on at the same time. There are a lot of split seconds decisions to be made and a lot of things you can mess up. You have to be in tune with your partner and know how to lead and go with the flow. There is a give and take, like dancing or fighting.
I’ve been with good kissers and bad kissers and aggressive kissers and passive kissers. This girl was a good kisser, which was mind blowing after years of neglect in the kissing department. Her lips were soft and her mouth was sweet. She followed my lead half the time and took control the other half. That’s the way it is supposed to be, a delicate wrestling match. Tides of pushing and pulling and teasing and swooning.
Soft new person kissing leading into deeper kisses, little sighs becoming deeper breathing. Her hands on my arm, on my side. Her mouth opening a little here and there. Then mine opening, then little testing slips of my tongue. The sweetness of her tongue in my mouth, the intimacy of it.
Pushing her hair back, my fingers in the silky tangle, her sigh as I stroke her hair. Then a sudden pull away. She looks at me through hazy eyes. We are both lust drunk. I move in but not to her lips, to her neck. She gasps a little and I smile into her skin.
It’s nice to know her secrets. From the minute my lips touched the flawless skin of her neck forever I knew that it was her weakest point. All my want and all of her charms and I had a key. It sounds almost cold and calculated now to see it that way, but we all have locks and labyrinths to our passion. Finding the way in is part of the whole lovely little game.
As a boy my mind tends to go in certain directions. Sometimes I have to will myself to enjoy the kiss because my hands and body want to take over. I get eager, especially with those breasts calling me, pressing against my chest. My hand just under one and the heat radiating from her body through the soft fabric of her shirt and my eyes and body clenching with the anticipation of softness and as my thumb hits the bottom of her bra my heart starts beating faster.
I moved up a little, testing, the kiss kept up, move, further, wanting her so badly. I kissed her deeper as my hand slipped up and a shiver filled me as I cupped her breast and felt the fullness of it. Who knew such a simple act could be so hot, just feeling her breasts, but it was ridiculous in its intensity.
Her kisses kept pulling me back though. I had to keep up with her tempo and now her body was shifting on the couch. Soon she was lying and I was on top of her. Our parts aligned and our bodies becoming part of the kiss.
We went in little cycles. Focusing on sucking each lip, top and bottom. Little nips and long pulls. Twirling tongues just dancing across each other and then long deep kisses, exploring, wet and decadent.
Her body under me was lithe and hot. She ground against me as I pushed against her. I kissed her neck again and it was still wet where my mouth had been. I pushed up both of my hands, feeling her breasts again, wanting more. The tempo was up and up and up.
I don’t remember how far we went that first night. I vaguely remember going to the bed, awkward conversation as I pulled her shirt off. I remember the hotness of seeing her in her bra for the first time. To this day I’m still fixated on her breasts. They are really spectacular. I also remember finding out that girls who kiss well often do other things with their mouth well.
More than anything I remember kissing longer than I had ever kissed before, like I’d found some new trick my body could do and I intended on taking advantage of it. We spent two weeks straight kissing. Every imaginable kind of this, hard to soft, violent to vulnerable. From the first kiss to the kiss goodbye.
I have been told I have good hands. I have thick fingers. I know what to do when fingering a girl and I love doing it. It can be a whole body experience, not just sitting on the couch with your hand awkwardly shoved down her pants (though that’s fun, too). You can get into it, have her on her back with her leg on your shoulder as you drive your fingers into her. Throw her on her hands and knees while you pump her and spank her from behind while pulling her hair.
A bend of the fingers towards her pubic bone and you can hunt for that little bean, that textured spot, the elusive g-spot, the one that makes a girl go from breathing hard to moaning and begging. Lovely.
But let’s face it, your fingers and arm can get tired. You can switch hands every once in a while but the worst thing you can do when fingering a girl is break the rhythm. You almost have to start over once you break the rhythm. More than the thrusting, keeping constant pressure on the g-spot can be rough.
Enter VibeReview.com and the wonder and beauty of the Curve by Fun Factory. Now I had heard things about Fun Factory, basically that they were awesome and their toys were well made, well thought out and they had nice packaging and so on. Even knowing all this I was impressed when I got The Curve.
The package was slick, with little magnets on an outside flap and a general design that made you feel you were getting a quality piece of equipment. Opening the package and laying eyes and fingers on the Curve you know you are getting quality.
This was my first silicone toy and really besides glass and metal I don’t I will ever go back to any other material. It is pretty much perfect for a sex toy. The feel is a little dry, but not at all tacky. With just a little lube it become super slick while retaining some friction. It has a nice weight to it and the firmness was pretty close to what an mostly erect penis feels like.
The Curve is all matte silicone with one swirly strip of more glossy silicone around the head. Also on the bottom of the head lies the secret of the Curve, a very prominent lip that really seems to hit the g-spot perfectly.
Now, I can’t say exactly how the thing feels, as an anal novice I think it is a bit much for me, but from thorough testing with partners I can say this thing is ridiculously good. In fact you can get that “Oh My God, What the Fuck!?” kind of reaction where they are looking at this funky purple thing and thinking “What’s the big deal, it doesn’t even vibrate?” and the next minute they are squirting.
Oh and it can make girls squirt, make no doubt. If a girl can squirt than she will with The Curve. The shape seems perfect for partnered play because you can really get a firm grip on the Curved handle of it and either gently push it in and out for a leisurely fuck or really pump it hard and fast. Plus if you gently push down on the handle the Curve of the top will push up and really pummel the g-spot (The is a good thing!)
As all toys your milage will vary. I’m sure it will be too much pressure fore some and I can imagine the hook on the bottom of the head can be a bit much for people who are not used to g-spot stimulation.
From the polling I’ve done (snicker) the girth is good, a little thinner that lets say – me. This is good, I don’t want to be totally out shined.
All in all it is a winner. It is a one trick pony, but I think it is far more important to do one thing well than doing a lot of things fairly.
Girls, if you like having your g-spot stimulated and you like to have big orgasms, get this toy.
Boys (and girls who like girls) if you want to get a girl addicted to coming over and playing with you then throw this in your toy box. Just remember three things:
1. Boil this bad boy between partners. You can clean it with soap and water if you are only going to use it with one person, but if you are going to use it with multiple partners you really want to submerge it in rapidly boiling water for 3-5 minutes. It is the most magical property of medical grade silicone! You can completely sterilize it.
2. If the girl is a squirter or even if she doesn’t know she is, bring a towel just incase. It’s awesome to see a girl squirt. I get giddy like I just won something at a carnival, but it can get messy.
3. No matter what she says and what she offers to do to you and/or your penis don’t let her take it home with her!
I’m giving the Curve by Fun Factory FIVE big stars out of five. It’s perfect. I like to be fair and give some counterpoints to all the positives, but I can’t think of one. Maybe throwing a vibrator in this toy somehow might make it even better but I think its simplicity is part of it’s charm.
And thanks to VibeReview.com for giving me the chance to try out this stellar toy!
Last night at In the Flesh we listened to Rachel Kramer Bussel read a short little story that was not part of, but was inspired by Ellen Sussman’s new anthology Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex.
I thought it was really interesting and I’m glad she posted it today.
In other news I join the plethora of people posting about the New York City Sex Bloggers Calendar, which I am co-designing with Sinclair. It’s been pretty fun going to lunches and meetings with the girls and getting emailed that start “Dear Ladies and Jack.” I’m trying to weasel my way into the photo shoot. We will see.
Head on over and pick one up!
I am pretty sure Mister McIntyre’s Secret is dead. I am just not feeling it, but I have lots of other interesting stories in the works and this weekend should be fuel for who knows how many tales! After all I’m going to a picnic and a parade.
Here’s the thing, kids… being a straight guy and putting things in your butt is a weird and touchy thing. I’m a sensitive guy, in touch with my feminine side, dare I say even heteroflexible? I’ve just never really been into my butt, literally or figuratively. I could get into a whole thing about overarching gender role confusion and body image weirdness, embarrassment and so on, but in the end I am hedonist and I heard it can be pleasurable, so why not?
I’ve read things, I tend to read a lot about any sexual matter. The prostate, the milking of said gland. All the positives. I have certainly seen women take pleasure when having their bums played with and penetrated and they are sans prostate.
So when I decided I wanted to
get a lot of free toys review sex toys I realized that I would have to take the plunge, so to speak.
I was going to have to put things in my butt.
Well, I’ll have you know I am man enough to take one for the team. When the big box came from Vibe Review (and I do mean BIG box) I laid everything out on my desk and looked at each product, read instructions, marveled at packaging and thought about for whom and where each tool would be perfect.
Enter the Sensual Bulb.
Boys and girls I know nothing about anal toys, but I know that the Sensual Bulb is made of glass, which means a few things off the bat:
- It’s completely smooth, so with a little lube it will slip very easily into even inexperienced bottoms.
- It’s very easy to clean and sterilize. This is important if you plan on sharing your toy. Plus it is important if you are super anal about cleanliness and the thought of putting something that has been in your butt back in your drawer without it being sterilized kind of grosses you out.
- It’s cool looking. Light refracts through it and the purple butterfly on the bottom is very lovely.
- It warms up with your body heat and can be heated or cooled by immersing it in hot or cold water.
When I got the toys to review I sort of looked them all over and took them all out and read the instructions. I was a bit tired and I tried to plan out a good time to try something out. I thought the weekend would be a good time to start.
About five minutes later I was in bed lubing the Sensual Bulb up. It’s 4 1/2 inches long, with a very flared flat base and a bulb at the top. It was slightly imposing with that bulb at the tip. Over the years there had been a few single fingers up there, a tongue here and there, but never a big piece of glass.
With very little ceremony I shoved the thing into my ass.
It was a tad cold and a bit thick, but it went in pretty easily. And there it was, a pressure.
Well, I supposed it was time to get to the rest of the business, so I put on some Australian porn and went to town.
The first thing I noticed was that it was slipping out almost right away. That was a sort of uncomfortable feeling and not a particularly sexy one. I pushed it back in a few times and finally propped myself up on some pillows and sort of rested myself on the pillows to keep it in. Once I did that it was much more comfortable and I was able to sort of back up against it and got a little friction.
While masturbating I could feel the pressure there, but it wasn’t really any different than usual. I didn’t know what the big deal was until I came.
Boys, and I hope there are a few boys reading this because I don’t know what the gender break down of my reader ship is, an orgasm with the Sensual Bulb in your bottom is pretty amazing.
First off it felt twice as long as a normal orgasm. It also felt about three times more intense. I could feel the solidness of the toy like a lightning rod directing electricity right from the glass through my cock.
Well, let me just say except for the slip out factor I think the Sensual Bulb is a great starter anal toy for boys and probably girls, too. As someone who has a decent amount of experience hunting for and successfully finding g-spots, I would say that this would certainly work as a g-spot toy. The base is easy to grip and with a little careful angling you could have just as much fun as the boys with this thing.
I guess I should decide on a rating system. Thumbs up? Oh, the puns I can have. For now let’s say four out of five stars. It certainly had me seeing stars.
I sort of have other outlets to talk about the serious non sex and relationship stuff, but since I write here I suppose I should address something that is kind of rocking my world right now.
I have a weird pantheon of writing heroes and lovers. I don’t write in the same vein as I read, if that makes any sense. I grew up on Dickens and Mark Twain, a lot of Sherlock Holmes and classics. In high school I started my lifelong obsessed with Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin, while also reading Stein, Hemingway, Faulkner and the like just to hate them with some foundation of proof. I read a lot of beat writers too but disliked the majority of them, Burroughs being the exception. I dabbled in this and that.
In science fiction William Gibson is my god and to this day his writing style effect the way I write and things more than anything else I’ve read with the possible exception of Nin’s journals. Philip K Dick, obviously, as well as Heinlein and the irrepressible Harlan Ellison top the list.
After high school I started finding the postmodernists. Pynchon, Coover, Barthelme, Vonnegut. More important to me were people like Italo Calvino, playful and fearless when it came to bending the rules. Then I found DeLillo who seemed like the missing link between the PoMo writers and where the world was now. Then I found David Foster Wallace.
It seems like I’ve spent a lot of time defending a lot of these authors. That got boring by the time I was 22. I actually never find myself having good discussions about these writers because most of my literate friends are into very different literary eras and movements than I am. David Foster Wallace was always an argument waiting to happen. Eggers too, though I never liked his text as much as his taste.
In general I have grown accustom to the rolling eyes that come with being a fan of postmodernism as both a literary movement and as a sweeping philosophical and critical movement. Being asking for definitions. Condescending rebuttals followed my pompous explanations of what I am missing. Sometimes I think postmodernism exists only to give other movements something to call pretentious.
The first book I read of DFW’s was his first book of short storiesThe Girl with Curious Hair and it is still my favorite of his work. The short story is my favorite medium, and these are profound, funny, smart and they just resinated with me on so many levels. Then I bought Infinite Jest. I bought it and it just sat there for a long time. I’m not good at long books, I just don’t have the emotional stamina. I never finished Gravity’s Rainbow. I hated War and Peace. When I finally sat down with the damn thing I was never fully hooked in, I was alway worried about time. Then I sort of realized that it wasn’t like an ordinary novel. Like Pale Fire it was fractured and broken. Everything trailed off into tangents. It was schizophrenic. It was even hypertextual. It was funny and sad and honest and profound and it made me look at things differently the way the real important books of your life do.
His other books all have really different and interesting places in my heart and head. Supposedly Funny Things I’ll Never do Again and Consider the Lobster are basically blog posts evolved to the highest attainable degree.
On September 12, 2008 he hanged himself and that sucks because I well never get to read a new book by him. I say that in loving memory because frankly it is the reaction I hope people have when I die.
I’m sort of heart broken. Dave, these footnotes are for you.
 And I don’t mean the good kind of rocking.
 Though I found him later, Thomas M. Disch is also on this list and his suicide two months ago also shook me up and left me bitter.
 Though I have tried many times.
I like eating pussy. I would say it vies for top position in my list of favorite things to do, but I’m a bit capricious these and have trouble picking favorites in any category.
The thing about oral sex with a woman is that it is far more difficult to write about than a blow job, on my opinion. Just think of watching each of them. A blow job is an iconic act that is very simple to understand. You suck on the long hard thing until it squirts. Cunnalingis is a little more mysterious. Open legs with a head in front of it. You can’t see exactly what is going on, but it certainly is causing a commotion (hopefully).
Enter Rachel Kramer Bussel and her twenty one tales of going down. Each one is so distinct and they seem to all come from different places, but focus on the same idea. Sometimes women are nervous about it, sometimes they are hungry and demanding. Sometimes they are cliched set ups, sometimes they are completely new ideas. They also go from vanilla fun to very kinky. There are both male and female writers each with their own takes on oral sex.
This was my first Rachel Kramer Bussel edited anthology and now I know why people rave about her. These stories are well written and very hot. This is art that arouses and to me that is the definition of good erotica. I can’t wait to read her other anthologies, especially Spanked.
Something a little different and a little silly. Geeks feel lust too.
I really love this story. I have lots of notes for more about this character, but I don’t know if I have the knowledge or the ambition to really write it all out. No sex, but some fun. See when you figure out the twist.
So I’m at Pleasure Salon with a variety of people. I got this little paddle delivered to my office so it was sitting in my messenger back and I couldn’t help but take it out and show it off. There is something wonderfully playful and serious about the Fetish Double Slapper. It’s a lovely jet black faux leather with a studded handle, so it is kind of bad ass. Still, it has a heart cut out, which shows a playful side. If I were a sex toy I think I would be the Fetish Double Slapper Paddle by Topco.
The simple brilliance of the design of this paddle is the two layers of faux leather that slap together as you whack your target. Not to say that this toy doesn’t pack a real stinging punch, but the bark is worse than the bite, which is often ideal when you want a lot of theatrical sound without really making a bottom bruised.
Anyhow, at this party there are a few bare asses walking around and since I was playing with this lovely toy a few of them did make their way to my table. Being the generous person I am (and also because I was sitting in the middle) I handed the paddle off to Wendy Blackheart. She gave Selina Fire a few swats and even in a crowded room with music and laughing and flirting the sound cut through and more than a few heads came up to look where the sound was coming from.
Well, I was sold. I couldn’t wait to try it for real. I think the question that comes up the minute you get it in your hand is “does it make heart shaped marks?” The answer is yes!
It isn’t a particularly cruel item. The shape and the nature of the toy sort of impede real beatings, but it is fun and it is sexy. It gives a stinging “wake up” spank and leaves a nice red mark with a little heart.
On top of all that it is a very inexpensive toy. It is well made, in fact I can imagine having it for a long time. Leaving it about will instantly tell a partner or perspective parter a whole lot of things at once. You are kinky, you like to spank (or be spanked) and you are also fun and playful.
Thanks Eden Fantasy for letting me test out and review this little bad boy. Check out all of their fun toys!
I’m pretty happy, because I am so new to this game. I was voted #71 in the 2008 Sexy Bloggers poll. Fun.
The top five are all awesome people, by the way. Congratulations to them all, especially Sinclair and Ellie!
Don’t worry kids, the angsty self analysis will be short lived and Mister McIntyre’s Secret Part 9 is on it’s way.
I’ve been on this wild dating and sexing roller coaster for about 14 months now. Roughly since the day I ended the six year relationship I was in from 25-31 with… let’s call her The Girl Professor. Not that before that relationship I was a prude by any means, I had some interesting times and I got around, but you know something is different when in the last year you have slept with as many women as all the years before combined. I’d say that’s a change in the status quo.
So many dates, some with new people, some second or third dates, some with the sort of long term friends you make when you are in this kind of run. It’s certainly not all sex, to be sure, but it is all interesting. The constant state of arousal, the flirting from so many directions. New people all the time and new kisses. New bodies and new secrets. I fell into two relationships in that time, each lasting a few months. Both were wildly intense and full of amazing conversation, fun and probably some of the best sex of our lives.
I read stories of emotionless sex, zipless fucks, random group play and in most cases it leaves me cold. I like intense connections. I like learning someone’s secrets and knowing their bodies and kissing and touching for hours. If it isn’t intense then why bother. If it doesn’t make me happy then I’d rather skip it. At the same time I can imagine a plaything, someone to be a pet and to just have fun with. So many relationships seem to move so quickly. People wanting different things. Sometimes I wish for something completely superficial. Someone I can try out all my fun toys on and make moan and cry. A pet. I am ambivalent about the whole thing, no one ever seems to stay emotionally where they say they will, including me.
Lately I have been entering new terrain. I am seeing people whose sex lives are much more public. I mean obviously I am dating on NYC, I know we all have lives and I never presume monogamy, but you don’t ask don’t tell and are completely for each other when you are together. Sex bloggers and other internet savvy loud mouths (I mean this is the nicest way since I am both) make their sex lives much more public, this means one is forced to read and think about things he doesn’t necessarily want to read and think about.
A friend said something that has been rumbling in my head for a while now. When talking to her about the various dramas going on and what I am doing to belay them she told me that I was learning how to “process jealousy”. Now I tend to take phrases like that and roll my eyes, but I realize more and more that it is exactly what I am learning to do.
I’ve never been a particularly jealous person, that is until I was cheated on. When my long relationship with The Girl Professor ended suddenly and very violently. I’m a grownup, I know infidelity (when in agreed monogamy) is a symptom of a relationship that is already over, not the cause of that ending. It wasn’t the sex either, I am a sexual person and I can understand passion even inappropriate passion, it was the love. She fell in love with someone else (or at least convinced herself of such) and that ruined me for a long time.
This was the first time I was cheated on and my reaction was not what I expected. First of all I became repulsed by her. I’d never been into any cuckold type fantasies, but as much as I couldn’t understand them before now they confuse the shit out of me. I didn’t even want to be in the same room as her. Actually I sort of made she we wouldn’t be in the same time zone, which is working out for the best for everyone involved.
I also became uncontrollably angry at the guy, which is very unlike me. I was dreaming of hunting him down and beating him. Literally I would have dreams I was hitting him with a bat. These are the two reactions jealousy has on me, rage and disgust. Not conducive to an ongoing relationship.
Now I find myself trying to work through these feelings, even find to positive aspects of them. I see people I like and trust and watch how they play as a couple and apart. I think about my feeling and why I want to see other people and then thing about my partners and how their intentions are probably similar. It seems like a majority of the feelings are fear that your lover will leave you and when you realize that if that person left it would mean a whole lot about them and where your relationship was… it makes taking the chance seem brave rather than foolish.
But I am rambling. All I know is that for the last year I have woken up happier. Food tastes better and book make more sense. I feel like I am in love all the time, even while I walk around in mortal fear of that word and all of its inky implications. I feel like an adventurer and I feel like I am alive. I don’t see that changing any time soon.
I do feel myself moving in certain directions. Favoring certain people. I don’t know what that will mean or what I am willing to do for that. I don’t know how long I am willing to keep certain people at a distance so that I can keep up this lifestyle. I’m not really worried anymore though. As long as everyone is honest things seem to work out. You just have to ask for what you want and it is almost shocking how often you get it.
Subway intimacies are wonderful little amusements when you are living a life that is amplified. The little accidental meetings of eyes or occidental faux pas. Reading each others newspapers or coming face to face with ample cleavage. The bump and grind of start and stop trains and the forced sardine meetings of strangers. Innocent intimacies must go unacknowledged by most but not to me.
I am helpless to record the ceremonial reactions of the morning after couple in the little two seat bench at the end of the car. She is slightly embarrassed by her somewhat messy hair. He is both proud of himself and sort of straining to get away. Still his hand finds her knee and her eyes close briefly.
The voyeur doesn’t have to stand in the closet or peek through the curtains. Dodging eyes and stolen kisses can be as breathtaking as watching wicked acts.
I am looking for ideas for erotic short stories. If you have a senario, a situation, a character, a kink, a scene or just a concept or image you would like me to write about then please either comment here or send me an email.