writingdirty

Dirty stories by Jack Stratton

Kink for All Rundown

I have a lot of thoughts floating around in my head. I went to the Kink for All NYC (KFANYC) today and although I was unable to present due to a rather serious family crisis I did catch the last few hours of the “unconference” and I enjoyed it a lot. Then again I was probably part of the minority who had never been to a “proper” sex conference so I don’t have much to compare it to, but I liked what I saw and heard.

I have been to a mix variety of kink related outings. Pleasure Salon and the such. Some more private little meet ups as well, but this was probably the biggest kink event I have been to. Surprisingly I felt very comfortable. In fact I would say I felt very much at home and very confident. I listened to intelligent people speak intelligently about gender, identity, sexuality, kink, BDSM, media and everything in-between. I saw a caning demo which was far more intriguing then I expected it to be. I was in general very enthralled with everything and everyone. It was exciting.

It left me with a lot of questions though. As much as I felt like I belonged there seemed to be a part of me that felt like an outsider. Almost everyone there was in some way queer and although I don’t know if I am exactly “straight” in every sense I don’t know if I am far enough from binary male/masculine to consider myself queer. There seems to be a large gap in the talks about the place of straight men in kink society other than johns, pornography consumers or roadblocks. I’m sure I am generalizing a lot, but that’s mostly how it felt.

I grew up in a feminist household with various types of queer folk around me, but I’m heterosexual or at least heteroflexible. At the same time I’ve read and researched a lot of gender theory and queer theory, so at times I find myself examining my masculinity in ways that butches might, but often other straight men don’t. At least not any I know, that is. I would go as far as to say that I have fetishized my straightness. Does that make sense?

Anyhow, just some thought that were floating around. Also thanks to any and all who read this blog and I apologize for it going unattended for a while. I have a lot of very hot stories on the burner, but life has been getting in the way. The economy and various unforeseen crises tend to suck out the drive to create. Of course let me repost an old message so as to remind my dear readers of how they can help inspire:

An Immodest Proposal

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12 Comments

  1. What did you find so intriguing about the caning demo?

  2. What did you find so intriguing about the caning demo?

  3. I felt really comfortable too – funny though, my impression was the opposite, that most folks weren’t that queer and that I stood out as such a little bit; despite that it was at the gay center I found myself wondering where all the queers were, which made me at times feel like an outsider. the kink community in general is pretty hetero(flexible) dominated, which I’ve often wondered about.

    I do think you examine your masculinity in butch ways – we’ve talked about that before a bit and I think it’s really interesting, and important. so it totally makes sense to extend that to heterosexuality and your sexual orientation, and to even fetishize that a bit – that takes something normative and turns it into something examined and intentional, which is missing, I think, from entirely too many folks’ sex lives.

    not the folks at kinkforall, probably, though :)

    we really gotta get that beer sometime! if you’ve ever got a day when you’re leaving work around 5ish, let’s meet up for a quick one & talk butch and fetish and erotica writing and all sortsa stuff.

  4. I felt really comfortable too – funny though, my impression was the opposite, that most folks weren’t that queer and that I stood out as such a little bit; despite that it was at the gay center I found myself wondering where all the queers were, which made me at times feel like an outsider. the kink community in general is pretty hetero(flexible) dominated, which I’ve often wondered about.

    I do think you examine your masculinity in butch ways – we’ve talked about that before a bit and I think it’s really interesting, and important. so it totally makes sense to extend that to heterosexuality and your sexual orientation, and to even fetishize that a bit – that takes something normative and turns it into something examined and intentional, which is missing, I think, from entirely too many folks’ sex lives.

    not the folks at kinkforall, probably, though :)

    we really gotta get that beer sometime! if you’ve ever got a day when you’re leaving work around 5ish, let’s meet up for a quick one & talk butch and fetish and erotica writing and all sortsa stuff.

  5. oh yeah, and – caning demo!?! dammit where was I! I missed that, didn’t see it on the schedule.

  6. oh yeah, and – caning demo!?! dammit where was I! I missed that, didn’t see it on the schedule.

  7. I’m actually extremely gratified to hear that you didn’t feel the event “straight enough” and that Sinclair says that the event felt “not queer enough” because that means my efforts to make sure both were represented was at least partially successful.

    There is a lot to be said for the value in homogenous experiences but at the same time it’s far too unlikely that we’ll be able to create spaces where people are able to feel comfortable while being in a space that isn’t entirely like them. That was my goal, and I hope that even if you didn’t feel that KinkForAll New York City was very straight, that you still got a lot out of it.

    Thanks for coming, and I’m really sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you personally.

  8. I’m actually extremely gratified to hear that you didn’t feel the event “straight enough” and that Sinclair says that the event felt “not queer enough” because that means my efforts to make sure both were represented was at least partially successful.

    There is a lot to be said for the value in homogenous experiences but at the same time it’s far too unlikely that we’ll be able to create spaces where people are able to feel comfortable while being in a space that isn’t entirely like them. That was my goal, and I hope that even if you didn’t feel that KinkForAll New York City was very straight, that you still got a lot out of it.

    Thanks for coming, and I’m really sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you personally.

  9. @maymay

    I think it is really more about me identifying a lot with the queer movement and not being queer myself. If that makes sense. Now that I think about it I think the unconference was very mixed in age, gender and preference. I was also thinking it was even more ethnically mixed than a lot of kink related things that I’ve been to. These are all very good things in my opinion. A mix of people, united by kink. It was a very positive experience.

    Sorry I didn’t get to meet you, but I was only there for a few hours. Next time! And there certainly will be a next time. I might even take a ride over to Philly or DC if they have KinkforAlls.

  10. @maymay

    I think it is really more about me identifying a lot with the queer movement and not being queer myself. If that makes sense. Now that I think about it I think the unconference was very mixed in age, gender and preference. I was also thinking it was even more ethnically mixed than a lot of kink related things that I’ve been to. These are all very good things in my opinion. A mix of people, united by kink. It was a very positive experience.

    Sorry I didn’t get to meet you, but I was only there for a few hours. Next time! And there certainly will be a next time. I might even take a ride over to Philly or DC if they have KinkforAlls.

  11. @Jack: If you use Apple iCal or Google Calendar, you can subscribe to the global calendar of upcoming KinkForAll events. When an event solidifies, it’ll appear there automatically.

  12. @Jack: If you use Apple iCal or Google Calendar, you can subscribe to the global calendar of upcoming KinkForAll events. When an event solidifies, it’ll appear there automatically.

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