writingdirty

Dirty stories by Jack Stratton

Page 8 of 11

Tagged!

I was tagged by the ridiculously hot and charming Thursday, whose pictures and words (and breasts and legs and ass) often devastate me.

The Rules are:

  • Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
  • Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog – some random, some weird.
  • Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.
  • Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

My list:

  1. I like all kinds of girls. I have found that this is often hard for girls to understand. I like big girls and little girls, so when I was dating a relatively skinny girl and she found out I had some chubby girl porn on my computer she though “I must be fat, that’s why you like me!” and when I was dating a chubby girl and commented on a tiny girl being hot she said “If you like girls like that, why are you dating me?”. Also I have been with girls as tall as 6′ and as short as 4’11”. Even my constant of “glasses and big tits” hasn’t held up lately.
  2. I have no piercing or tattoos. I dated someone for a long time who was covered in tattoos (10!) and I really love the look of thick black and red ink on skin. I have a few tattoos I want to get, but I am waiting until I am sure (i.e. it has been about 5 years of me thinking about it and I still haven’t done it.)
  3. People seem to inherently trust me. If often makes me feel like I need to be extra careful. People are constantly telling me secrets. I kind of love being the keeper of secrets.
  4. I had a criminal youth. I was a compulsive liar as a kid. My head still thinks like that sometimes, but I keep it very much under control. I try to be almost annoyingly honest now. Truth still has a ring of novelty on my tongue.
  5. The thing I hate most in life is probably corporate chain restaurants.
  6. Almost all of my close friends are working on Masters or PhDs and are on some form of psycho-pharmacology. I will probably never go for any sort of higher degree and I’ve never been in therapy.
  7. I took ballet as a child, as well as tap dancing.

I tag:

  1. Mariella, because I will take any excuse to tag my babygirl. She’d better do this because she doesn’t post nearly enough.
  2. D (of Narration by D) because it’s only far that since Thursday tagged me that I should tag her husband.
  3. Wendy, as an apology for the fact she will never get to do me in the butt like she wants.
  4. Janie, because she doesn’t post enough.
  5. Jay, because his recent review of the Aneros is almost identical to the review I am about to post about the Titus.
  6. Smutty Steff, because she is awesome and her tweets help keep me sane all day.
  7. Desiree, because she s awesome and she is going to come play Scrabble with me sometime soon.

Wet Spots

My fingers slick with her, she lays on top of me, turned around. Her legs on each side of my chest and spread wide right in front of my face. Her mouth far away doing the most wonderful things to me. That is the world I am in now, pleasure radiating and unseen while every secret spot on her is exposed right in front of me.

I know her by now, every twist and turn and little button. I work her like a well loved little music box. My fingers slipping in and bending just so, moving and pushing until I find the angle and the rhythm. Then she is unable to continue with my cock because her mouth is too full of moans and whimpers.

When I add a toy into the mix she is gasping and then suddenly struggling because it is too much. I clamp on to her legs in a wrestler’s lock and I continue as she tried to pull away from the intensity of the vibrations and my fingers. Her moans become frantic and then she is tensing and tensing and her struggling suddenly becomes desperate and she is trying to warn me and then…

At first it is a train of clear water down her thigh and then it squirts like a little torrent. Her body is so overcome she is bucking like a animal trying to escape a trap. It goes on and on until it seems like almost too long, like something is wrong but then suddenly she is still except for her trembling legs.

This is the third time in a row and so I relent. I let her go. She is gasping for air, like she was just pulled from the ocean. Long gulps of the Autumn wind coming in through my open window and she sounds like she is sobbing. I can see her wet sex contracting, still.

When she finally gathers her strength she turns and attacks me with kisses. She kisses me all over my face. She kisses my lips and holds my head and it is like I just came back from a war or gave her a birthday present she has been waiting for all year.

So I am sort of addicted to making girls squirt. Especially girls who say things like “I’ve never squirted!” or “I only squirt when I am by myself!”

Before six months ago I had sporadic luck when it came to getting girls to really gush. There were two full on experiences and another that I am fairly certain about. After my last relationship ended I set my mind to the task and now I am becoming a pro.

It’s not for wimps, let me tell you. It takes some hard work, elbow grease if you will, plus a lot of paying attention. Female anatomy, psychology, not to mention the laundry bills. Plus you have to know when it just isn’t going to work. One of the many keys is not telling them what you are trying to do, but making sure they are comfortable enough to know that they can.

I will not get into numbers, but there have been more than a few girls I have gotten there. By finger or cock or Curve or Miracle Massager. Curve or Miracle Massager being the easiest, fingers being almost as good, cock being really hard to master.

I wonder if there is a doctor who will make my cock into the exact shape of the Curve.

The thing is, there is really nothing as satisfying as physical evidence. I can see where the fans of cum are coming from. Something is produced and you can smile and hold up wet hands and say “I did this!” What’s better than that?

I actually know someone, a family friend of all things, who is doing a documentary of sorts on the g-spot. She looked me in the eye and said “Yeah, I’m still not sure female ejaculation is real.” It took all my strength not to say “give me some lube and 10 minutes” It would have made Thanksgiving a little uncomfortable.

It has come to the point where when I think about past relationships I regret not knowing what I know now. Not to say that female ejaculation is the end all be all of sex, it isn’t by any means, but it is just damn fun and it makes me feel damn powerful, for better or worse. There are also all kinds of psychological and D/s things that can happen when a girl squirts. The bed is a mess, she gets embarrassed to some degree (depending on the girl). There is also the fact that I am big into forced orgasm play and making a girl squirt in that scenario and then letting her sort of sit there tied up and stewing in her own juices is just delicious.

This weekend it went to another level. Often I am kissing the girl or fucking her or something and I only see the puddle forming or hear it or feel it. This time I saw it for real. I saw it shoot out like a geyser. It was more than awesome. I get giddy when I think about it and I want to make it happen again. It’s like a trick, a wonderful little trick that makes girls feel good.

One little note about something that unintentionally came in very handy. About a year ago I, like a lot of New Yorkers, was stuck by the plague that is bed bugs. My apartment was eventually completely fumigated, but one of the safety precautions was putting my mattress in a nylon bag. Now, I put sheets over the nylon so I don’t feel it at all, but it is a wonderfully helpful thing when things get a bit wet. For $14 you can’t go wrong.

Review: The Miracle Massager

The Miracle Massager.

It all seems to come back to the Hitachi, doesn’t it? Everything I ever read about the Miracle Massager on VibeReview and other sites seems to be divided into whether it is better than the Hitachi or worse than the Hitachi. How it is shaped better, but isn’t as strong.

Let’s put aside the Hitachi. I have used it a few times on a few girls, so I do have some experience, but let’s talk about the Miracle Massager in its own right.

The Miracle Massager is a high powered vibrator/body massager. It has a large but nicely shaped black body which has nice grips, an easy to find bright red power switch (with high and low settings) and a large bulbous vibrating head.

Like all good toys, in my opinion, it only does one thing and it does it well. It vibrates. You can’t insert it anywhere (at least not very easily), it doesn’t rotate, it doesn’t hit three or four parts of you at the same time. You put it on your clit and it makes you come. I know there are other ways of using it, but for all intents and purposes that’s it.

It works. It is not mind numbing over the top vibrations, but it is more than most toys. The head is big but you can still fit a condom on it easily, which is a good idea because otherwise it is a pain to clean.

I was able to help a girl achieve a mind blowing, squirting, babblingly incoherent orgasm several times in an hour with this baby and so is in my go-to box.

It is also very good for forced orgasm play, or so I have dabbled with. I have a good feeling it will work very well once I get the proper equipment.

If they made this toy with a removable silicone head I would say it would be perfect.

I am going to give the Miracle Massager four out of five stars.

A Night to Remember, ft. Mariella and VibeReview

We went out on the town for the day, but the whole time it was waiting there back at my apartment and in the back of my head.

A few hours before I met Mariella I removed the Under the Bed Restraints from it’s package, lifted up my mattress and set it up. The black restraints against my plain white sheets were stark and imposing. It was a stage set for something very interesting.

Mariella and I went around town. A picnic, some drinks, fun times in the summertime. She knew what was in store, in fact I had told her every detail out my little fantasy days before.

It was interesting having such a dichotomy within one day. The cooing and hand holding, walking through the park, meeting friends and so on. Later that night it would be so very different. Hands not held, but held down. Where she was once wrapped in hugs, she would be soon wrapped in taut nylon. The amazing thing is that we can go into both with the same care and emotion.

But enough of that mushy stuff, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Walking into my apartment she didn’t even really look at my bed at first. We were still high on the sweet air of the day. Kissing and pushing against walls, all those things that are familiar but constantly new. The lushness of her body and all the things it does to me.

She wore a lovely dress with no panties and the whole day I had felt the delicious curve of her hip and the unhindered smoothness of her ass through the fabric. Finally after wanting it all day I was able to pull up that skirt and see that perfect tan-lined hairless triangle that haunts my dreams. I touched her and felt hours of built up heat and wetness and it made me wince with pleasure.

She does this thing that drives me crazy. We will kiss and suddenly she will turn away. She gets this little sneaky mischievous little smirk and it turns me into an animal. Suddenly I am on top of her trying to kiss her, but she turns and pushes me away. When I finally pin her down and catch her lips, the kiss is wild and almost overpowering.

After that I stood up, took her hand, and brought her to the bed. I took off what was left of her clothes. I put two pillows on the center of the bed and laid her over them on her belly. She didn’t fight when I stretched her arms up and opened each wrist restraint and closed them on those pretty wrists I’d held so tight and pushed into pillow or mattress.

I kissed her shoulder and moved down to her legs and took each ankle and put them in the restraints. Nothing was that tight, but it kept her legs apart and her arms from moving too much. I was new to this thing, I really wasn’t sure what to do first.

I stood back and looked at my work. The pillow under her lower stomach pushed her ass up perfectly. With her legs spread every part of her was exposed to me.

There is something decadent about having a girl like this, especially this girl. Crossed legs and dim lights, sheets and panties, busy hands and blushing embarrassment, all these things tend to get in the way of getting a lovely full-on look at a girl’s bits. Now that she was mine, tied up perfectly, I got to look. I got to explore.

There are a lot of philosophies and strategies to being dominant. I’ve read about them, I’ve tried a lot of them. A lot of it has to do with self control. Frankly I probably don’t have enough of that. I don’t think I am a particularly good dom, I sort of hate most formality when it comes to names and titles and I even dislike a lot of them.

I my hand moved over her legs and my nails scratched at her back leaving long red marks. As my hand stopped on top of her ass I felt the resilient, fresh skin of it and the desire inside of me started getting wilder and hungrier.

I spanked her hard. Then again. Then three times in a row sharp and fast knowing that the rapid succession gets her every time. She tried to crawl away but couldn’t.

She moaned and squirmed and I wanted her. As she squirmed she pushed back, her hips higher and her sex open to me. I got off the bed, letting her see that I was getting a condom so she would know what I was going to do. I couldn’t help it, I had to just kneel between her open legs and slip into her. She was too perfect there, like a candy on a table. I needed to just taste.

She gasped as I pushing into her slowly and deliberately, sinking into wet tightness. Every cell in my body sighed at once. Then I was pushing in harder, then thrusting again and again. It was a little difficult with her on her belly and her legs spread. The angle wasn’t quite right. I stopped, breathing hard, head buzzing with the pure pleasure of being inside of her.

Then I went to the box.

It nice to have a specific little box for your toys and implements. This one is a big yellow box on the night stand next to my bed. In this box is all of my best toys. They had all been cleaned and readied.

I bent over her, pushed the hair out of her eyes, whispered in her ear and asked her if everything was ok. She said yes, but she wondered if the restraints could be tighter. I let out a dark chuckle.

I pulled her legs apart and tightened the straps. I moved them from the bottom corners of the bed to the sides of the bed and she let out a little “wow” as I really spread her out and tied her down. I moved her arms to the sides of the bed too and tightened them until she couldn’t raise her arms from the mattress.

I was getting that power surge. The smile that won’t come off and the predatory eyes.

I plugged in the Miracle Massager and set it down next to her. I took out the Curve and the Sensual Bulb and cracked my knuckles.

My fantasy was to own every part of her. I wanted to fill her up and make her cum and use every inch of her. I fingered her roughly as I poured lube on the Sensual Bulb and on my fingers.

When I touched her ass with one hand as I fingered her with the other she let out a throaty groan. Her body tensed. We are sex positive people, whatever, it’s still dirty, raunchy, forbidden. I rubbed and

flexed my fingers in her, then I brought up the wet glass smoothness and twisted and pushed.

The thing about the Sensual Bulb is that when it is finally in you just see the pretty flared end with the purple butterfly. Perfect.

The sounds are almost the best parts. Whimpers and moans and whispered pleadings.

When I lubed up the Curve and slipped that into her she started gasping and making shaky overwhelmed gasps for air. I watched her hands ball into fists and pull against the restraints in the most lovely way.

When I added the Miracle Massager there wasn’t as much of a change in her attitude as I thought.

I tried to set up the Miracle Massager, but I will have to come up with some kind of way to hold it to her clit.

I left her filled up and went around to the other side of the bed and pushed my cock towards her mouth. This was the real fantasy, having her filled up, tied down and squirming and sucking my cock. Every hole used and abused.

After a while I realized I wanted a better position. I wanted her really bound. I put Mariella on her side right in the middle of the bed, hands behind her back bound with the wrist restraints. I bound her ankles together with he ankle restraints and then I moved the Under the Bed Restraints to the center of the bed and brought the fasteners to their tightest level. I tied her hands to one side and her ankles to the other. I also got some other restraints I had and tied her legs together at the knees.

I took the Miracle Massager and stuck it between her bound legs with it pressed against her clit. It wasn’t going anywhere. Then I went to work with the Curve on her.

It was crazy. The vibrations were intense and focused, I was fucking her hard and fast with the Curve and she was in a completely other state. When she started squirting she pushed the Curve completely out of her.

When I took it’s place I barraged her with filthy names and rough words. She was mine and she was used in every way. I fucked her hard and fast like that, spanking her and holding her hips tight.

Later when I gently undid every Velcro latch, laid next to her, soothed her and kissed her as she came down, it was pure bliss.

Catharsis, orgasm, emotional release. The stress of the week gone and only wet skin and the smell of sex and sweet kisses remained.

Review – Under the Bed Restraints

I have had both conversations and debates with friends about ropes, handcuffs, chains, what have you. All of these have their charms, but in the end, sometimes you don’t want to fuss with all of the paraphernalia. You just want to hold someone down.

I tend to be a minimalist with certain things as well as utilitarian. Now I’m not saying the Under the Bed Restraints are not attractive, per se, but they are neutral in appearance. They aren’t there to threaten or show any thing off; they are there to hold someone down–plain and simple. And they do just that.

Under the Bed Restraints are also versatile! I used them as they were designed and they worked fantastically. You just slip the main part between your mattress and box spring or bed frame or whatever you have. You pull the ends to each corner of your bed and attach them to the wrist and ankle restraints with a little metal clip. You take your partner and put him or her on the bed and, a couple of velcro straps later, you can leisurely do whatever you want to them!

I have also used the ankle and wrist restraints a lot individually. You can just clip them together and they make very comfortable and quick handcuffs or ankle cuffs. I also manipulated the under the bed straps to do different positions: all kinds of hogtie-type knots and freestyle bondage fun.

This is an essential set for beginners or anybody else who wants a simple way to get into bondage. It is inexpensive, well-made and versatile. The Under the Bed Restraints are like one of those essentials in your wardrobe or kitchen: something every couple should get, like a food processor or black slacks.

Four and a Half out of Five Stars.

My only complaints (and for the price these aren’t really complaints) are that the Under the Bed Restraints could be a little sturdier. Some of the buckles and parts are metal, but some are plastic. If all the parts were metal or nylon, it might be better. Also, the straps could be a little thicker, but most likely, if you need more than what it offers, you are ready to move up to something more advanced, anyhow.

Thanks to VibeReview.com for letting me try out this awesome toy!

Kissing Chronicles – After the Drought

Kissing Chronicles – After the Drought

Kissing is one of my favorite things to do. It’s funny, I was in a long relationship where kissing was not really a focus. It was a brief bit of foreplay before sex or a once in a while affirmation of affection, but it was never an activity unto itself. It wasn’t until after that relationship that I really rediscovered making out, how much I love it and how good I am at it!

I’d just reentered the dating scene. I was awkward, nervous, unsure of the rules. Looking back, how stupid was I? I was on a business trip and she was showing me around town. It was nice and friendly and sweet, but we had talked a little about attraction. We had admitted desire and now she was in my hotel room, and it was late. Were we were going to just play Scrabble?

I sat across from her, my heart beating a little faster every time I looked up at those bright eyes and then down at that figure. It seems wrong to distill someone into one characteristic, I mean she was smart and quirky and fun, but it always came back to those tits. It seemed like I spent almost every second near her trying not to look at them.

There were other charms, her eye for details that caught me off guard, her various knowledges and interests. She was awkward, too, but in a different way and for different reasons. As time goes by and it is just a memory I remember the physical things, the way her lips made me swoon.

When she said, “So I thought you were going to kiss me,” I was struck dumb by the embarrassment of not acting on the obvious hints she was dropping.

“I am! I mean, I was going to… I mean…” I don’t know what I was trying to say, but then I was on the couch next to her, our Scrabble game half finished, and I was smiling and she was kind of smirking amusedly and then I was in that trajectory, that all or nothing move in.

We were both laughing a little and then we weren’t. That first contact, that first kiss with new lips, that point at the apex of flirting and smiling and touching and then moving in closer and closer… then the brush of soft dry skin on skin. Then pushing together, your bodies getting closer and hands falling onto hips or backs. You become hyperaware. Aware of where your hands are on her and the warmth of her body under her clothes. Aware of where her hands are on you and when they tighten or loosen or claw at your shirt, hungry for more contact.

We kissed, a chaste kiss, pulled apart and smiled, and then before I could say something stupid we went back for more. Now our lips were wet and our mouths were bolder. Kissing and sucking bottom lips, top lips, experimental opening of mouths. Finding that rhythm, finding out how the other person works.

Kissing is a lot more complex than people realize. Not complicated, but complex because there are so many things going on at the same time. There are a lot of split seconds decisions to be made and a lot of things you can mess up. You have to be in tune with your partner and know how to lead and go with the flow. There is a give and take, like dancing or fighting.

I’ve been with good kissers and bad kissers and aggressive kissers and passive kissers. This girl was a good kisser, which was mind blowing after years of neglect in the kissing department. Her lips were soft and her mouth was sweet. She followed my lead half the time and took control the other half. That’s the way it is supposed to be, a delicate wrestling match. Tides of pushing and pulling and teasing and swooning.

Soft new person kissing leading into deeper kisses, little sighs becoming deeper breathing. Her hands on my arm, on my side. Her mouth opening a little here and there. Then mine opening, then little testing slips of my tongue. The sweetness of her tongue in my mouth, the intimacy of it.

Pushing her hair back, my fingers in the silky tangle, her sigh as I stroke her hair. Then a sudden pull away. She looks at me through hazy eyes. We are both lust drunk. I move in but not to her lips, to her neck. She gasps a little and I smile into her skin.

It’s nice to know her secrets. From the minute my lips touched the flawless skin of her neck forever I knew that it was her weakest point. All my want and all of her charms and I had a key. It sounds almost cold and calculated now to see it that way, but we all have locks and labyrinths to our passion. Finding the way in is part of the whole lovely little game.

As a boy my mind tends to go in certain directions. Sometimes I have to will myself to enjoy the kiss because my hands and body want to take over. I get eager, especially with those breasts calling me, pressing against my chest. My hand just under one and the heat radiating from her body through the soft fabric of her shirt and my eyes and body clenching with the anticipation of softness and as my thumb hits the bottom of her bra my heart starts beating faster.

I moved up a little, testing, the kiss kept up, move, further, wanting her so badly. I kissed her deeper as my hand slipped up and a shiver filled me as I cupped her breast and felt the fullness of it. Who knew such a simple act could be so hot, just feeling her breasts, but it was ridiculous in its intensity.

Her kisses kept pulling me back though. I had to keep up with her tempo and now her body was shifting on the couch. Soon she was lying and I was on top of her. Our parts aligned and our bodies becoming part of the kiss.

We went in little cycles. Focusing on sucking each lip, top and bottom. Little nips and long pulls. Twirling tongues just dancing across each other and then long deep kisses, exploring, wet and decadent.

Her body under me was lithe and hot. She ground against me as I pushed against her. I kissed her neck again and it was still wet where my mouth had been. I pushed up both of my hands, feeling her breasts again, wanting more. The tempo was up and up and up.

I don’t remember how far we went that first night. I vaguely remember going to the bed, awkward conversation as I pulled her shirt off. I remember the hotness of seeing her in her bra for the first time. To this day I’m still fixated on her breasts. They are really spectacular. I also remember finding out that girls who kiss well often do other things with their mouth well.

More than anything I remember kissing longer than I had ever kissed before, like I’d found some new trick my body could do and I intended on taking advantage of it. We spent two weeks straight kissing. Every imaginable kind of this, hard to soft, violent to vulnerable. From the first kiss to the kiss goodbye.

Review – The Curve by Fun Factory

I have been told I have good hands. I have thick fingers. I know what to do when fingering a girl and I love doing it. It can be a whole body experience, not just sitting on the couch with your hand awkwardly shoved down her pants (though that’s fun, too). You can get into it, have her on her back with her leg on your shoulder as you drive your fingers into her. Throw her on her hands and knees while you pump her and spank her from behind while pulling her hair.

A bend of the fingers towards her pubic bone and you can hunt for that little bean, that textured spot, the elusive g-spot, the one that makes a girl go from breathing hard to moaning and begging. Lovely.

But let’s face it, your fingers and arm can get tired. You can switch hands every once in a while but the worst thing you can do when fingering a girl is break the rhythm. You almost have to start over once you break the rhythm. More than the thrusting, keeping constant pressure on the g-spot can be rough.

Enter VibeReview.com and the wonder and beauty of the Curve by Fun Factory. Now I had heard things about Fun Factory, basically that they were awesome and their toys were well made, well thought out and they had nice packaging and so on. Even knowing all this I was impressed when I got The Curve.

The package was slick, with little magnets on an outside flap and a general design that made you feel you were getting a quality piece of equipment. Opening the package and laying eyes and fingers on the Curve you know you are getting quality.

This was my first silicone toy and really besides glass and metal I don’t I will ever go back to any other material. It is pretty much perfect for a sex toy. The feel is a little dry, but not at all tacky. With just a little lube it become super slick while retaining some friction. It has a nice weight to it and the firmness was pretty close to what an mostly erect penis feels like.

The Curve is all matte silicone with one swirly strip of more glossy silicone around the head. Also on the bottom of the head lies the secret of the Curve, a very prominent lip that really seems to hit the g-spot perfectly.

Now, I can’t say exactly how the thing feels, as an anal novice I think it is a bit much for me, but from thorough testing with partners I can say this thing is ridiculously good. In fact you can get that “Oh My God, What the Fuck!?” kind of reaction where they are looking at this funky purple thing and thinking “What’s the big deal, it doesn’t even vibrate?” and the next minute they are squirting.

Oh and it can make girls squirt, make no doubt. If a girl can squirt than she will with The Curve. The shape seems perfect for partnered play because you can really get a firm grip on the Curved handle of it and either gently push it in and out for a leisurely fuck or really pump it hard and fast. Plus if you gently push down on the handle the Curve of the top will push up and really pummel the g-spot (The is a good thing!)

As all toys your milage will vary. I’m sure it will be too much pressure fore some and I can imagine the hook on the bottom of the head can be a bit much for people who are not used to g-spot stimulation.

From the polling I’ve done (snicker) the girth is good, a little thinner that lets say – me. This is good, I don’t want to be totally out shined.

All in all it is a winner. It is a one trick pony, but I think it is far more important to do one thing well than doing a lot of things fairly.

Girls, if you like having your g-spot stimulated and you like to have big orgasms, get this toy.

Boys (and girls who like girls) if you want to get a girl addicted to coming over and playing with you then throw this in your toy box. Just remember three things:

1. Boil this bad boy between partners. You can clean it with soap and water if you are only going to use it with one person, but if you are going to use it with multiple partners you really want to submerge it in rapidly boiling water for 3-5 minutes. It is the most magical property of medical grade silicone! You can completely sterilize it.

2. If the girl is a squirter or even if she doesn’t know she is, bring a towel just incase. It’s awesome to see a girl squirt. I get giddy like I just won something at a carnival, but it can get messy.

3. No matter what she says and what she offers to do to you and/or your penis don’t let her take it home with her!

I’m giving the Curve by Fun Factory FIVE big stars out of five. It’s perfect. I like to be fair and give some counterpoints to all the positives, but I can’t think of one. Maybe throwing a vibrator in this toy somehow might make it even better but I think its simplicity is part of it’s charm.

And thanks to VibeReview.com for giving me the chance to try out this stellar toy!

Current Events

Last night at In the Flesh we listened to Rachel Kramer Bussel read a short little story that was not part of, but was inspired by Ellen Sussman’s new anthology Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex.

I thought it was really interesting and I’m glad she posted it today.

In other news I join the plethora of people posting about the New York City Sex Bloggers Calendar, which I am co-designing with Sinclair. It’s been pretty fun going to lunches and meetings with the girls and getting emailed that start “Dear Ladies and Jack.” I’m trying to weasel my way into the photo shoot. We will see.

Head on over and pick one up!

Coming up, I have a really positive review of the Curve by Fun Factory that is squirt-tastic. VibeReview continues to rule.

I am pretty sure Mister McIntyre’s Secret is dead. I am just not feeling it, but I have lots of other interesting stories in the works and this weekend should be fuel for who knows how many tales! After all I’m going to a picnic and a parade.

Review – The Sensual Bulb

Here’s the thing, kids… being a straight guy and putting things in your butt is a weird and touchy thing. I’m a sensitive guy, in touch with my feminine side, dare I say even heteroflexible? I’ve just never really been into my butt, literally or figuratively. I could get into a whole thing about overarching gender role confusion and body image weirdness, embarrassment and so on, but in the end I am hedonist and I heard it can be pleasurable, so why not?

I’ve read things, I tend to read a lot about any sexual matter. The prostate, the milking of said gland. All the positives. I have certainly seen women take pleasure when having their bums played with and penetrated and they are sans prostate.

So when I decided I wanted to get a lot of free toys review sex toys I realized that I would have to take the plunge, so to speak.

I was going to have to put things in my butt.

Well, I’ll have you know I am man enough to take one for the team. When the big box came from Vibe Review (and I do mean BIG box) I laid everything out on my desk and looked at each product, read instructions, marveled at packaging and thought about for whom and where each tool would be perfect.

Enter the Sensual Bulb.

Boys and girls I know nothing about anal toys, but I know that the Sensual Bulb is made of glass, which means a few things off the bat:

  • It’s completely smooth, so with a little lube it will slip very easily into even inexperienced bottoms.
  • It’s very easy to clean and sterilize. This is important if you plan on sharing your toy. Plus it is important if you are super anal about cleanliness and the thought of putting something that has been in your butt back in your drawer without it being sterilized kind of grosses you out.
  • It’s cool looking. Light refracts through it and the purple butterfly on the bottom is very lovely.
  • It warms up with your body heat and can be heated or cooled by immersing it in hot or cold water.

When I got the toys to review I sort of looked them all over and took them all out and read the instructions. I was a bit tired and I tried to plan out a good time to try something out. I thought the weekend would be a good time to start.

About five minutes later I was in bed lubing the Sensual Bulb up. It’s 4 1/2 inches long, with a very flared flat base and a bulb at the top. It was slightly imposing with that bulb at the tip. Over the years there had been a few single fingers up there, a tongue here and there, but never a big piece of glass.

With very little ceremony I shoved the thing into my ass.

It was a tad cold and a bit thick, but it went in pretty easily. And there it was, a pressure.

Well, I supposed it was time to get to the rest of the business, so I put on some Australian porn and went to town.

The first thing I noticed was that it was slipping out almost right away. That was a sort of uncomfortable feeling and not a particularly sexy one. I pushed it back in a few times and finally propped myself up on some pillows and sort of rested myself on the pillows to keep it in. Once I did that it was much more comfortable and I was able to sort of back up against it and got a little friction.

While masturbating I could feel the pressure there, but it wasn’t really any different than usual. I didn’t know what the big deal was until I came.

Boys, and I hope there are a few boys reading this because I don’t know what the gender break down of my reader ship is, an orgasm with the Sensual Bulb in your bottom is pretty amazing.

First off it felt twice as long as a normal orgasm. It also felt about three times more intense. I could feel the solidness of the toy like a lightning rod directing electricity right from the glass through my cock.

Well, let me just say except for the slip out factor I think the Sensual Bulb is a great starter anal toy for boys and probably girls, too. As someone who has a decent amount of experience hunting for and successfully finding g-spots, I would say that this would certainly work as a g-spot toy. The base is easy to grip and with a little careful angling you could have just as much fun as the boys with this thing.

I guess I should decide on a rating system. Thumbs up? Oh, the puns I can have. For now let’s say four out of five stars. It certainly had me seeing stars.

RIP DFW

I sort of have other outlets to talk about the serious non sex and relationship stuff, but since I write here I suppose I should address something that is kind of rocking[1] my world right now.

I have a weird pantheon of writing heroes and lovers. I don’t write in the same vein as I read, if that makes any sense. I grew up on Dickens and Mark Twain, a lot of Sherlock Holmes and classics. In high school I started my lifelong obsessed with Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin, while also reading Stein, Hemingway, Faulkner and the like just to hate them with some foundation of proof. I read a lot of beat writers too but disliked the majority of them, Burroughs being the exception. I dabbled in this and that.

In science fiction William Gibson is my god and to this day his writing style effect the way I write and things more than anything else I’ve read with the possible exception of Nin’s journals. Philip K Dick, obviously, as well as Heinlein and the irrepressible Harlan Ellison top the list[2].

After high school I started finding the postmodernists. Pynchon, Coover, Barthelme, Vonnegut. More important to me were people like Italo Calvino, playful and fearless when it came to bending the rules. Then I found DeLillo who seemed like the missing link between the PoMo writers and where the world was now. Then I found David Foster Wallace.

It seems like I’ve spent a lot of time defending a lot of these authors. That got boring by the time I was 22. I actually never find myself having good discussions about these writers because most of my literate friends are into very different literary eras and movements than I am. David Foster Wallace was always an argument waiting to happen. Eggers too, though I never liked his text as much as his taste.

In general I have grown accustom to the rolling eyes that come with being a fan of postmodernism as both a literary movement and as a sweeping philosophical and critical movement. Being asking for definitions. Condescending rebuttals followed my pompous explanations of what I am missing. Sometimes I think postmodernism exists only to give other movements something to call pretentious.

The first book I read of DFW’s was his first book of short storiesThe Girl with Curious Hair and it is still my favorite of his work. The short story is my favorite medium, and these are profound, funny, smart and they just resinated with me on so many levels. Then I bought Infinite Jest. I bought it and it just sat there for a long time. I’m not good at long books, I just don’t have the emotional stamina. I never finished Gravity’s Rainbow[3]. I hated War and Peace. When I finally sat down with the damn thing I was never fully hooked in, I was alway worried about time. Then I sort of realized that it wasn’t like an ordinary novel. Like Pale Fire it was fractured and broken. Everything trailed off into tangents. It was schizophrenic. It was even hypertextual. It was funny and sad and honest and profound and it made me look at things differently the way the real important books of your life do.

His other books all have really different and interesting places in my heart and head. Supposedly Funny Things I’ll Never do Again and Consider the Lobster are basically blog posts evolved to the highest attainable degree.

On September 12, 2008 he hanged himself and that sucks because I well never get to read a new book by him. I say that in loving memory because frankly it is the reaction I hope people have when I die.

I’m sort of heart broken. Dave, these footnotes are for you.

[1] And I don’t mean the good kind of rocking.
[2] Though I found him later, Thomas M. Disch is also on this list and his suicide two months ago also shook me up and left me bitter.
[3] Though I have tried many times.

Book Review – Tasting Her

Tasting Her: Oral Sex Stories edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel

I like eating pussy. I would say it vies for top position in my list of favorite things to do, but I’m a bit capricious these and have trouble picking favorites in any category.

The thing about oral sex with a woman is that it is far more difficult to write about than a blow job, on my opinion. Just think of watching each of them. A blow job is an iconic act that is very simple to understand. You suck on the long hard thing until it squirts.  Cunnalingis is a little more mysterious. Open legs with a head in front of it. You can’t see exactly what is going on, but it certainly is causing a commotion (hopefully).

Enter Rachel Kramer Bussel and her twenty one tales of going down. Each one is so distinct and they seem to all come from different places, but focus on the same idea. Sometimes women are nervous about it, sometimes they are hungry and demanding. Sometimes they are cliched set ups, sometimes they are completely new ideas. They also go from vanilla fun to very kinky. There are both male and female writers each with their own takes on oral sex.

This was my first Rachel Kramer Bussel edited anthology and now I know why people rave about her. These stories are well written and very hot. This is art that arouses and to me that is the definition of good erotica. I can’t wait to read her other anthologies, especially Spanked.

Writing Prompt – Spanking

A story about spanking
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Flash – Nerd Love

Something a little different and a little silly. Geeks feel lust too.
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Fiction – The Bet

I really love this story. I have lots of notes for more about this character, but I don’t know if I have the knowledge or the ambition to really write it all out. No sex, but some fun. See when you figure out the twist.
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Review – Fetish Double Slapper Paddle by Topco

Crack. The sound echos. It makes your ears perk up a little.

So I’m at Pleasure Salon with a variety of people. I got this little paddle delivered to my office so it was sitting in my messenger back and I couldn’t help but take it out and show it off. There is something wonderfully playful and serious about the Fetish Double Slapper. It’s a lovely jet black faux leather with a studded handle, so it is kind of bad ass. Still, it has a heart cut out, which shows a playful side. If I were a sex toy I think I would be the Fetish Double Slapper Paddle by Topco.

The simple brilliance of the design of this paddle is the two layers of faux leather that slap together as you whack your target. Not to say that this toy doesn’t pack a real stinging punch, but the bark is worse than the bite, which is often ideal when you want a lot of theatrical sound without really making a bottom bruised.

Anyhow, at this party there are a few bare asses walking around and since I was playing with this lovely toy a few of them did make their way to my table. Being the generous person I am (and also because I was sitting in the middle) I handed the paddle off to Wendy Blackheart. She gave Selina Fire a few swats and even in a crowded room with music and laughing and flirting the sound cut through and more than a few heads came up to look where the sound was coming from.

Well, I was sold. I couldn’t wait to try it for real. I think the question that comes up the minute you get it in your hand is “does it make heart shaped marks?” The answer is yes!

It isn’t a particularly cruel item. The shape and the nature of the toy sort of impede real beatings, but it is fun and it is sexy. It gives a stinging “wake up” spank and leaves a nice red mark with a little heart.

On top of all that it is a very inexpensive toy. It is well made, in fact I can imagine having it for a long time. Leaving it about will instantly tell a partner or perspective parter a whole lot of things at once. You are kinky, you like to spank (or be spanked) and you are also fun and playful.

Thanks Eden Fantasy for letting me test out and review this little bad boy. Check out all of their fun toys!

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