Dear readers, you need to know something: Jack is not my given name. It’s not very far from my given name, but until I started this web page very few people ever called me Jack.
But that’s what people do, isn’t it? When you write pretty words about tying girls up you take on an alias. The alias gets used more and it becomes a character. You write as the character and then you eventually meet people as the character and in a way you become the character, at least a little.
To be honest, though, Jack was really born a year and a half ago when my life fell apart and I had to rebuild myself emotionally. Call it a phoenix-like rebirth or perhaps Bionic Man like reboot, I became someone very different. I have different priorities now and different ways of handling things. I adjusted to being 31 and single and I came out of the whole drama a lot stronger and a lot more interesting.
Jack is decidedly more confident than I am. He can even be a little cocky. Jack doesn’t mind talking too loud about rather shocking things in public places. Jack has really good luck with the ladies. Jack is forward and direct and very honest.
Lately I find myself introducing myself as Jack, even in non-blog/sex-geek/sex+ situations. When I meet new people I just introduce myself as Jack and my friends kind of look at me strangely, but it’s not that far fetched. It’s a couple of letters, but it is amazing how much of an effect it can have.
Lately life seems all about changing and realizing things and finding myself and understanding my desires. I am accepting a lot of things about myself, things that I’ve denied and things that I convinced myself weren’t true. Sometimes it is as easy as just letting go and accepting certain kinks. Sometimes it is deeper and it means admitting that certain feelings are ok to have. It also means allowing myself to get into new kinds of relationships. It’s tricky.
Ever since I started this, though, I have felt like my life has been amplified. Everything is far more intense and I am not just talking about sex and relationships. The world seems more accessible, things seem more vivid, life seems better. I used to feel so restrained by all of these rules that I enforced on myself and now it seems like every time I come to one of these self imposed walls I am able to look at it and judge with new eyes if it is something valid or not. I feel free.
So what does this all mean? I have no idea. I guess I am just taking some time to appreciate Jack. He certainly isn’t perfect, but I certainly like him.