Tag Archives: gender
Every month on the second Tuesday at The Phoenix, 447 East 13th Street @ Avenue A, in the East Village of New York City. Doors open at 7:30pm, reading promptly at 8pm. FREE! But we will pass the hat for donations to the performers.
Here is the text from my reading on 6/8/2010
How I Found my Inner Butch
Hi, my name is Jack and I write about sex on the internet. We are a rare breed.
I was a little taken aback when Sinclair asked me to speak at Sideshow. I was also honored and scared and impressed with him. You see I’m not particularly queer in the way I feel a lot of people use the term, though I’m certainly not straight, or hetero-normative or what ever the opposite of queer is.
Queer is, at this room demonstrates, very much a spectrum.
I have a lot of thoughts floating around in my head. I went to the Kink for All NYC (KFANYC) today and although I was unable to present due to a rather serious family crisis I did catch the last few hours of the “unconference” and I enjoyed it a lot. Then again I was probably part of the minority who had never been to a “proper” sex conference so I don’t have much to compare it to, but I liked what I saw and heard.
I have been to a mix variety of kink related outings. Pleasure Salon and the such. Some more private little meet ups as well, but this was probably the biggest kink event I have been to. Surprisingly I felt very comfortable. In fact I would say I felt very much at home and very confident. I listened to intelligent people speak intelligently about gender, identity, sexuality, kink, BDSM, media and everything in-between. I saw a caning demo which was far more intriguing then I expected it to be. I was in general very enthralled with everything and everyone. It was exciting.
It left me with a lot of questions though. As much as I felt like I belonged there seemed to be a part of me that felt like an outsider. Almost everyone there was in some way queer and although I don’t know if I am exactly “straight” in every sense I don’t know if I am far enough from binary male/masculine to consider myself queer. There seems to be a large gap in the talks about the place of straight men in kink society other than johns, pornography consumers or roadblocks. I’m sure I am generalizing a lot, but that’s mostly how it felt.
I grew up in a feminist household with various types of queer folk around me, but I’m heterosexual or at least heteroflexible. At the same time I’ve read and researched a lot of gender theory and queer theory, so at times I find myself examining my masculinity in ways that butches might, but often other straight men don’t. At least not any I know, that is. I would go as far as to say that I have fetishized my straightness. Does that make sense?
Anyhow, just some thought that were floating around. Also thanks to any and all who read this blog and I apologize for it going unattended for a while. I have a lot of very hot stories on the burner, but life has been getting in the way. The economy and various unforeseen crises tend to suck out the drive to create. Of course let me repost an old message so as to remind my dear readers of how they can help inspire:
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, in that case aren’t a thousand words worth a picture? If you like my stories, anecdotes, reviews and fiction then get out a camera and take a dirty picture for me. You can be as anonymous as you like, I don’t mind, I just ask that the picture be graphic. I need fuel for dirty stories, you know. Don’t worry, I’ll never show anyone. After all, I’m greedy and they are my payment for all these dirty words. Email them or comment with a link.
Here’s the thing, kids… being a straight guy and putting things in your butt is a weird and touchy thing. I’m a sensitive guy, in touch with my feminine side, dare I say even heteroflexible? I’ve just never really been into my butt, literally or figuratively. I could get into a whole thing about overarching gender role confusion and body image weirdness, embarrassment and so on, but in the end I am hedonist and I heard it can be pleasurable, so why not?
I’ve read things, I tend to read a lot about any sexual matter. The prostate, the milking of said gland. All the positives. I have certainly seen women take pleasure when having their bums played with and penetrated and they are sans prostate.
So when I decided I wanted to
get a lot of free toys review sex toys I realized that I would have to take the plunge, so to speak.
I was going to have to put things in my butt.
Well, I’ll have you know I am man enough to take one for the team. When the big box came from Vibe Review (and I do mean BIG box) I laid everything out on my desk and looked at each product, read instructions, marveled at packaging and thought about for whom and where each tool would be perfect.
Enter the Sensual Bulb.
Boys and girls I know nothing about anal toys, but I know that the Sensual Bulb is made of glass, which means a few things off the bat:
- It’s completely smooth, so with a little lube it will slip very easily into even inexperienced bottoms.
- It’s very easy to clean and sterilize. This is important if you plan on sharing your toy. Plus it is important if you are super anal about cleanliness and the thought of putting something that has been in your butt back in your drawer without it being sterilized kind of grosses you out.
- It’s cool looking. Light refracts through it and the purple butterfly on the bottom is very lovely.
- It warms up with your body heat and can be heated or cooled by immersing it in hot or cold water.
When I got the toys to review I sort of looked them all over and took them all out and read the instructions. I was a bit tired and I tried to plan out a good time to try something out. I thought the weekend would be a good time to start.
About five minutes later I was in bed lubing the Sensual Bulb up. It’s 4 1/2 inches long, with a very flared flat base and a bulb at the top. It was slightly imposing with that bulb at the tip. Over the years there had been a few single fingers up there, a tongue here and there, but never a big piece of glass.
With very little ceremony I shoved the thing into my ass.
It was a tad cold and a bit thick, but it went in pretty easily. And there it was, a pressure.
Well, I supposed it was time to get to the rest of the business, so I put on some Australian porn and went to town.
The first thing I noticed was that it was slipping out almost right away. That was a sort of uncomfortable feeling and not a particularly sexy one. I pushed it back in a few times and finally propped myself up on some pillows and sort of rested myself on the pillows to keep it in. Once I did that it was much more comfortable and I was able to sort of back up against it and got a little friction.
While masturbating I could feel the pressure there, but it wasn’t really any different than usual. I didn’t know what the big deal was until I came.
Boys, and I hope there are a few boys reading this because I don’t know what the gender break down of my reader ship is, an orgasm with the Sensual Bulb in your bottom is pretty amazing.
First off it felt twice as long as a normal orgasm. It also felt about three times more intense. I could feel the solidness of the toy like a lightning rod directing electricity right from the glass through my cock.
Well, let me just say except for the slip out factor I think the Sensual Bulb is a great starter anal toy for boys and probably girls, too. As someone who has a decent amount of experience hunting for and successfully finding g-spots, I would say that this would certainly work as a g-spot toy. The base is easy to grip and with a little careful angling you could have just as much fun as the boys with this thing.
I guess I should decide on a rating system. Thumbs up? Oh, the puns I can have. For now let’s say four out of five stars. It certainly had me seeing stars.
(This happened about 7 months ago)
So… my second date with FancyJobGirl.
It went well. It lasted 18 hours. A solid 7 of those involved sex. With another 7 of talking heatedly about books, music, media, marketing, history, movies, gender politics, etymology, etc.
She is a short girl. Ridiculously intelligent. Mensa smart. Quicker than me. A wordsmith. We both came out no holds barred, our best material. We were both impressed and swooning.
She bought breakfast.
I don’t think either of us were expecting sex. She came back to my apartment and after nice conversation I kissed her. She kissed me. I kissed her neck, bit her ear, found her buttons. She reach down my pants and then we were on the bed.
She is very multiorgasmic. I found her g spot easily and when she comes that way it is violent and emotional and amazing to watch. After she is shaking and incoherent for a good 10 minutes. Her clitoral orgasms are little bursts that go on forever as one long orgasm.
She kept giving me this look, like how the fuck does this guy know how to do this, which made me feel very nice.
The fucking was good. Not great. She is a little body conscious and there are some other issue that I will get in to in a minute. I was good, she could be a little more active. Her oral sex was nice, but short.
So over breakfast she told me that she had lived with a women for five years, which explained so much. I think she thought I would have more of a reaction, but I kind of just smiled and said “this is very interesting.”
She said guys either recoil or act way too interested and say “I have this friend…”
It explains a lot about the sex. Her ability to receive a lot of stimulation. Her mature understanding of how to let herself have a lot of orgasms. Her sort of clumsiness around a cock. As nice as it was she does have a bit of that thing that a lot of bi girls have. That sort of greedy “I’m just going to lie here are you are going to pleasure me for a few hours” thing that I have experienced before. I mean, it is not a purely bi girl thing, but it is pretty prevalent in that demographic.
Still I can work with it. We will see where this goes. I was sort of up front about the whole “casual dating” thing and one of the first things she noticed when she came in to the apartment were the nails in the walls with no pictures on them.
“Almost looks like someone lived here with you and just recently moved out.” she said sarcastically.