writingdirty

Dirty stories by Jack Stratton

Tag: nyc

The Secret I Couldn’t Keep


Title image by Face It. CC BY-NC 2.0

The thing was, she was young. Very young. Certainly legal, but still, I really should have been ashamed of myself. I was a thirty-two year old man! It started out so simply though. She sent me a picture because I wrote something silly like, if a picture is worth a thousand words than a thousand words must be worth a picture.
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KinkForAllNYC2

A while back I wrote about the first KinkForAll and how much I enjoyed it. I ask anyone who is anywhere near NYC to attend the second KinkForAll on August 8th. Trust me, it isn’t threatening, it isn’t boring and it isn’t like any conference you’ve ever been to. You will learn new things, you will meet new people, you will be exposed to new ideas. It’s free, in all senses and it is there for you to jump right in and help as much or as little as you want. One way to help is to donate.

KinkForAll is an ad-hoc informational unconference on sexuality for anyone and everyone. KinkForAll draws participants from an astounding range of sexuality-related communities. Anyone with the desire to learn or with something to contribute is welcome and invited to participate.

Vitals

What: The second no-limits sex-positive gender and sexuality unconference of New York City.

Why: To inspire a creative, interactive and open environment where everyone feels comfortable talking, learning, and being inspired by all kinds of sexuality.

When: August 8th, 2009

Where: The LGBT Center, 208 West 13th Street, New York.

Who: Everyone How much: Free (as in beer as well as freedom)

Details

KinkForAll is an ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people of the kink, queer, sex-positive and related communities to share and learn in an open environment. It is an intense event with discussions, presentations, and interaction from all participants. (It is inspired by the BarCamp community.)

ANYONE WITH SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE OR WITH THE DESIRE TO LEARN IS WELCOME AND INVITED TO JOIN. When you attend, be prepared to share with others. When you leave, be prepared to share it with the world.

A KinkForAll is a special kind of gathering because there are no spectators, only participants. Attendees must give a talk or a presentation, help with one, or otherwise volunteer/contribute in some way to support the event. This is called sharing and we like it. All presentations are scheduled the day they happen—there are no pre-scheduled presentations or keynote addresses. The people present at the event will select the presentations they want to see.

Anyone can present, on any topic related to sexuality. You do not necessarily have to teach a new skill or idea. You might share an experience, review a product, or read a poem. The goal is to start a discussion, make connections, and exchange knowledge. Presentations promoting specific commercial products or companies are discouraged.

Learn more about what to expect at: http://kinkforall.pbwiki.com/WhatToExpect

Learn more about the event guidelines at: http://kinkforall.pbwiki.com/TheRulesOfKinkForAll

Get Involved!

Processing Jealousy

Don’t worry kids, the angsty self analysis will be short lived and Mister McIntyre’s Secret Part 9 is on it’s way.

I’ve been on this wild dating and sexing roller coaster for about 14 months now. Roughly since the day I ended the six year relationship I was in from 25-31 with… let’s call her The Girl Professor. Not that before that relationship I was a prude by any means, I had some interesting times and I got around, but you know something is different when in the last year you have slept with as many women as all the years before combined. I’d say that’s a change in the status quo.

So many dates, some with new people, some second or third dates, some with the sort of long term friends you make when you are in this kind of run. It’s certainly not all sex, to be sure, but it is all interesting. The constant state of arousal, the flirting from so many directions. New people all the time and new kisses. New bodies and new secrets. I fell into two relationships in that time, each lasting a few months. Both were wildly intense and full of amazing conversation, fun and probably some of the best sex of our lives.

I read stories of emotionless sex, zipless fucks, random group play and in most cases it leaves me cold. I like intense connections. I like learning someone’s secrets and knowing their bodies and kissing and touching for hours. If it isn’t intense then why bother. If it doesn’t make me happy then I’d rather skip it. At the same time I can imagine a plaything, someone to be a pet and to just have fun with. So many relationships seem to move so quickly. People wanting different things. Sometimes I wish for something completely superficial. Someone I can try out all my fun toys on and make moan and cry. A pet. I am ambivalent about the whole thing, no one ever seems to  stay emotionally where they say they will, including me.

Lately I have been entering new terrain. I am seeing people whose sex lives are much more public. I mean obviously I am dating on NYC, I know we all have lives and I never presume monogamy, but you don’t ask don’t tell and are completely for each other when you are together. Sex bloggers and other internet savvy loud mouths (I mean this is the nicest way since I am both) make their sex lives much more public, this means one is forced to read and think about things he doesn’t necessarily want to read and think about.

A friend said something that has been rumbling in my head for a while now. When talking to her about the various dramas going on and what I am doing to belay them she told me that I was learning how to “process jealousy”. Now I tend to take phrases like that and roll my eyes, but I realize more and more that it is exactly what I am learning to do.

I’ve never been a particularly jealous person, that is until I was cheated on. When my long relationship with The Girl Professor ended suddenly and very violently. I’m a grownup, I know infidelity (when in agreed monogamy) is a symptom of a relationship that is already over, not the cause of that ending. It wasn’t the sex either, I am a sexual person and I can understand passion even inappropriate passion, it was the love. She fell in love with someone else (or at least convinced herself of such) and that ruined me for a long time.

This was the first time I was cheated on and my reaction was not what I expected. First of all I became repulsed by her. I’d never been into any cuckold type fantasies, but as much as I couldn’t understand them before now they confuse the shit out of me. I didn’t even want to be in the same room as her. Actually I sort of made she we wouldn’t be in the same time zone, which is working out for the best for everyone involved.

I also became uncontrollably angry at the guy, which is very unlike me. I was dreaming of hunting him down and beating him. Literally I would have dreams I was hitting him with a bat. These are the two reactions jealousy has on me, rage and disgust. Not conducive to an ongoing relationship.

Now I find myself trying to work through these feelings, even find to positive aspects of them. I see people I like and trust and watch how they play as a couple and apart. I think about my feeling and why I want to see other people and then thing about my partners and how their intentions are probably similar. It seems like a majority of the feelings are fear that your lover will leave you and when you realize that if that person left it would mean a whole lot about them and where your relationship was… it makes taking the chance seem brave rather than foolish.

But I am rambling. All I know is that for the last year I have woken up happier. Food tastes better and book make more sense. I feel like I am in love all the time, even while I walk around in mortal fear of that word and all of its inky implications. I feel like an adventurer and I feel like I am alive. I don’t see that changing any time soon.

I do feel myself moving in certain directions. Favoring certain people. I don’t know what that will mean or what I am willing to do for that. I don’t know how long I am willing to keep certain people at a distance so that I can keep up this lifestyle. I’m not really worried anymore though. As long as everyone is honest things seem to work out. You just have to ask for what you want and it is almost shocking how often you get it.

Thoughts on an Ex

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed. I have some more stories, both fact and fiction, in the works but I was out of the country for two weeks and I’m am still recovering.

So, my most recent ex has been texting me and telling me that she “needs to suck cock” and offering to come over, blow me, fuck me and then leave.

Intriguing.

We met when I was on a business trip about a year ago. I was down south for two weeks in a city I’d never been to before. I went looking for information about the city and I found a forum and from there I found her.

She was a classical musician. That alone got me curious. She came to NY a lot because her family lives here and she was planning on moving back.

We met up here before me trip for a drink, hit it off. When I went on my trip she met up with me and what happened was very interesting.

I’d just gotten out of a long relationship with someone physically and intellectually the completely opposite of this girl. Let’s call her P.

Two weeks I was in a city I’d never been in on business and I had my own person hotel room slut. It’s a title she picked out, which was adorably hot because she wasn’t very experienced, sort of a “good girl” and a “daddy’s girl” but she wanted to be bad. I helped her as much as I could in those two weeks.

It’s fun to make a good girl go bad. I’m not one for fucking the innocent, I know guys like that and I don’t understand it. I like experienced girls, but once in a while a young woman who is a bit innocent but eager to learn can be a lot of fun.

Hotels are funny places. You can turn into someone else if your not careful. We were certainly not ourselves in that time. We played, fucked, spoke for hours on end. I sort of rediscovered the art of kissing with her and now it is back to being possibly my favorite sensual activity. Kissing for hours. Making out. Sublime when done right.

Coming back to the hotel every day after working in the office, finding her waiting in the lobby, a little red in the cheeks knowing the staff sees her waiting every day. Kissing her in the elevator, sneaking a hand up her skirt and feeling how she is already wet, her telling me how she was waiting for this all day. Getting to the room and pushing her over the little couch, fucking her hard until we both come and then taking a shower with her. Lounging around half naked for the rest of the night talking, eating dinner and fucking again for hours on end.

After it was over it was sad, but ok. Six months later she mentioned that she had a job offer in NYC. We hadn’t spoken much in the meantime, we tried but we were both dating and jealous. She asked to stay with me for a while until she could find a place. That turned into two months. We dated, but I sort of knew it wouldn’t work out.

I ended it, she moved out but we see each other occasionally. Now she says she wants sex. Just sex. I’m at one of those impasses I find myself at a lot when I know someone is asking for something that is going to hurt them emotionally at some point. Is it up to me to protect them or should I just go for the pleasure? She is an adult.

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