Tag Archives: sex toys
I shook my head and smiled again.
She bit her bottom lip, but under the circumstances, her demeanor actually changed very little.
Ana was a tough nut to crack. We’d met through this or that, the ways people uptown meet. She was bright, book smart, art smart, fit, and fashionable. Pretty and self conscious; a puzzle of desire and nervousness. We’d fallen into both flirting and friendship at the same time and there had been a long lull as we tried to figure out which one to pursue. In the end we picked a little from “column A” and a little from “column B.” Luckily, I’d set up my life to facilitate that sort of answer to that sort of question.
A week or so before our date, our conversation via email had turned to sex toys. I mentioned that I had reviewed them for a while and she skirted around the issue of needing some new ones. These were lovely little charged correspondences that made my days at work fly by. Passive flirtation; we weren’t talking about sex, we were talking about sex toys! As safe as talking about stereo equipment. Like so many things, there were layers of self defense and acknowledging self defense. Continue reading
Of late, since my play and my sex life have become both more varied and more plentiful, some of the particulars of my own sexuality have become more and more apparent.
Some of these things I’ve known for years, but haven’t really thought about in depth. In most situations these leanings and proclivities can be hidden by the normal dynamics of sex, especially casual sex, where every position and combination isn’t going to be attempted anyhow, so brevity aids omission or at least camouflage.
Power and control are a lot more important to my sexual pleasure than I once thought. I am realizing I have a lot of trouble giving up control, or, more accurately, giving up what I consider control. That seems somewhat normal — after all, I’m a mostly-straight guy who is primarily a top. By most social norms I should be used to being in control. Still, my ideas about control seem a little warped when I look at them more carefully.
The act of being brought to orgasm by someone or even giving yourself an orgasm in front of someone is, in some fundamental way in my head, a submission. It is showing your out of control side. It is being vulnerable. It is being needy. It is everything that little Jack was taught was bad.
Intellectually I know that this is nonsense. Still, a lot of our reactions during intimacy are non-cognitive, deeply emotional and hard to understand without some real processing.
For example, it’s rare that I have an orgasm through oral sex or manual sex. The exception is that if I am also stimulating my partner
during this, I can focus on that long enough to make me forget. Does that make sense? Like the sex lives of most kinky people, sex is complicated.
I would say I get off far harder making people have orgasms than having them myself, with the exception of really intense penetrative sex which is usually awesome for me.
Fingering a woman, performing oral sex and using sex toys on them all turn me on in a huge way. I’ve gotten into what is probably my favorite activity, making women squirt, in some other posts. There is also “forced orgasm” which is in many ways the apex of my kink, i.e., making someone come over and over again until they can’t stand it anymore and are so overwhelmed by the orgasms and the sensation overload they are left a quivery mess.
I’ve written about that, though. What I haven’t written about much is my own reactions.
I’ve had partners comment when I don’t have an orgasm or don’t even really get into my own physical sexual gratification in a scene. I can do a whole scene mostly clothed while the bottom has been stripped, tied, roughed up, made to come several times. I can go away from a scene like that completely aroused and satisfied. Really, bringing my penis into the situation would make it less of fun time. I get off hard in a scene like that, and the somewhat less important desire to have an orgasm not only gets in the way, but gives the bottom far too much power over me.
There are different ways to play, though. That is describing one mood and maybe one character I let myself slip into: the super observant
reaction top who notices everything, mocks everything, punishes, pleases, and plays for his amusement and to take the bottom somewhere. When I am in that head space I want to force reactions. Pleasure, pain, humiliation, lust, need and even catharsis.
Other times I can be more playful or more mean. Sometimes I just want to fuck and the kinks that go along with that game, spanking, manhandling and pinning down hands, are very different than a full on scene. Sometimes I want to have relatively vanilla sex, but still I am taking it.
To receive pleasure I have to be in a very different place. I have to be with someone I trust to be vulnerable with and that doesn’t happen very often. It has happened though, in long term relationships with people I am in love with and care about enough to show that side of myself. Even then, it is a pretty temperamental thing.
This is also because of the lingering fingers of the Catholic guilt from my childhood. It marks many of my desires with guilt and embarrassment. Along with guilt are the lessons taught both overtly and subconsciously through my childhood by my father: that it is weak and wrong to show emotions. Both factors conspire to taint things like public displays of affection, talking about my emotions, saying “I love you” and showing desire towards men.
My mixed feelings towards sex with men are some of the most violently guilt ridden and humiliating, which leads to them also being ones I read about and think about secretly. Thus my fascination with slash.
Where do I go with this information?
For the last six months I’ve been trying to do things that are out of my comfort zone. I’m testing myself and having adventures and trying to break the barriers that keep me from doing everything that I want. I feel like I am really exploring my own desire and the desires of others. I’m shaky and wide eyed and having a lot of fun. Some of the things, like bottoming, make my fears and mental blocks much more apparent and cumbersome.
A good example of this is how when I am bottoming I feel like I am good at taking pain and force and aggression, but the cuddling afterward makes me want to escape. Receiving pleasure, especially
when I can’t control it or return it, is almost enough to break me out of the whole scene. When I am really turned on my hands shake with the need to take control. When I am confronted with “giving in” and being “made to come” my head twists and turns and won’t let my body do it.
That being said, I am more than willing to try. I even think trying is important. Breaking down the barriers to pleasure is as interesting as reveling in the sublimations my head has come up with to work around the blocks.
It’s interesting to think of how far I’ve come, so to speak, in discovering my sexuality. From looking at dirty stories online as a horny fourteen year old to writing things and doing things I’d never imagined I’d do. It will be interesting to see where my life will go from here.
There are a lot of things in my life that can use improvement, I freely admit this. One thing, dare I say the only thing, in my life that I thought I had perfected it was masturbation.
Unlike many women I know most men have it down pat. Sure the female sex blogging community are usually able to get themselves off easily, but a lot of girls I know have trouble. Every guy I know can make themselves come in a good minute and a half. Why would we need to masturbatory toy?
Well, there is the prostate, given, but that is a whole different catagory. There are a variety of new sensation that a dude can explore, but we surely don’t need help with the actual jerking off part, do we?
I’m a “masturbator” n00b, obviously. I’ve never used a sleeve of any kind. No fleshlight for me. What do I need with that?
Enter, The Maven. No seriously, enter one, they rock.
I’d never heard of elastomer, but apparently is it this silky cushy soft polymer that is phthalate-free and hypoallergenic. It’s porous, so it’s pretty much just a toy for one… though I’m not sure why you would want to share it unless you were putting on a show for someone.
I like the material, but it sort of never gets totally dry once you use lube and wash it off. It is very easy to clean, though. You just use it and then flip it inside out and wash it with soap and water. I keep it wrapped in paper towels between uses.
I use a little Astroglide, but any water based lube will do.
Ok, so how does it feel? Well, it certainly isn’t as good as sex, but it is better than your hand. The softness is interesting, like a blow job from someone with soft lips. That sounded a lot creepier than I wanted it to.
We are men, we don’t need pretty adjectives. The thing is affordable as sex toys go and it lasts a long time and it feel really good and it also reduces cleanup. You use it and then you take it to the bathroom and turn it inside out and wash it out. Fun!
I put a little dress on mine and I am planning on introducing it to my mom soon.
The Maven is not going to change your life, but it may change the way you masturbate or at least give you an interesting change of pace.
Three and a half stars!
The Silver Bullet.
For $12.95 how can you go wrong with this little extremely portable vibe? It just works for simple clitoral stimulation. It is portable. It takes AA batteries.
I sort of think what would make it perfect was if it were metal, not just metal looking plastic. It would be easier to clean and last forever.
Still it is a good go to toy and perfect for travel and secret sneaky fun.
I give the The Silver Bullet three out of five stars, because although it works well it really isn’t anything to write home about.
The Titus, The Toy I Don’t Get
I am an anal toy novice, admittedly. I have had some success with the Sensual Bulb (which is not specifically for the bum, but works well there), in fact I sort of like that one. I decided a while back to try the other toy I received for that area and frankly I just don’t get this one.
The Titus is a rather small black hard plastic toy shaped in a sort of Y shape similarly to the Aneros, but with fewer curves and more ridges. First of all I think it is far too small to do anything. It is hard plastic, which is very uncomfortable. The ridges make it difficult and almost painful to insert and pull out. When the world of sex toys is full of such wonderful things like silicone why would you have this hard plastic… thing?
Also I may be missing the point because I have no idea what the little silver ball is for. I know it is supposed to sit on your perineum and sort of massage it, but that did nothing for me.
Looking at the Titus, considering the material and the size, I can’t understand why it is as expensive as it is.
It is certainly possible that I am not using it to its full extent or maybe I just don’t have a particularly sensitive “p-spot” or perhaps it is higher up or lower down or something, but I don’t get this toy.
I gave the Titus a college try. A few college tries. Then again I gave a few colleges a try so perhaps I am not that bright.
One star. So for this has been the only thing I’ve received from vibereview.com that I haven’t really enjoyed, but I think that might be more about me than the toy.